Health knowledge made personal
Join this community!
› Share page:
Go
Search posts:

Why

Posted Aug 24 2012 3:56pm

- do we do the things we do. How many times have you been on the precipice of yet another horizon line asking yourself  ”what am I doin here”?

I can get a work out at the gym. Come home and watch a game. Comfortable. Normal.  Why are we not normal-  how was I neurologically impacted during my early developmental years?  Did my parents abuse substances? Was I not loved, was attention provided through anger, or sometimes even worse, neglect?

Here I am again, at another horizon line, and I’m scared. The little boy cries inside me, but the man has honed this fear into aggression toned with survival skills acquired through time.

Rapid of No Return. 30 foot Behemoth. River wide hole. from Oregon Rafting Team on Vimeo .

Courage. Maturity. How are you reading this? Dismissive, accepting, or unsure.  If your dismissive I’ll say a prayer for you.

I worked full time as a counselor at a juvenile detention center while also taking a full load of classes in my graduate program at the University of Northern Colorado.  Things went well for me there. The kids trusted me, this made them less anxious and scared. Then one night an accident occurred. A door was slammed and the mirror fastened to it shattered. Although a simple mistake, a young man quickly became immersed in panic and fear. His reaction stirred me deep down. I was going skiing the next day. This is what I wrote about the experience:

Set your edge, fall down the mountain.

What is my limit, do I know yours?

Open the door to chaos,

slam it shut and only broken glass pierces the resonance of a deafening echo.

Shards of glass scream as they impact the ground,

my heart also screams,

but I have set my edge as I fall down the mountain.

Push hard, carve the surface, twist and define.

My safety net is not a net at all,

it is a lifestyle, a code, a drive.

I’m a soldier, I thought I told ya.

Go to hell, I’ve already been there,

welcome to hell.

Control your chaos, maintain your rage.

Words to live by, philosophies to kill by.

Set your edge, fall down the mountain.

Get up and smile, wipe your brow,

extend your hand, grasp and hold tight.

I’ve fallen down the mountain,

but I keep climbing back up.

Live by your edge,

die by not living.

- Tim Brink

My inner self has been revealed to you through the medium of the Oregon Rafting Team in hope that my own experiences and insight can assist you in attaining a better understanding of yourself as this may lead to acceptance and peace.

Be safe out there.

Timber

Post a comment
Write a comment: