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Jumpshift99

California 38018
I live in Tennessee. I was diagnosed in 1987 with Chronic Anxiety Disorder when i had a nervous breakdown and was in the hospital 9 weeks. Ive been on Prozac since then along with Tranzene for nerves. I have Agoraphobia really bad. I guess that's the worst thing. I can't deal with it. It's dealing with, me not the other way around. I have been somewhat trying to  read The Agoraphobia workbook suggested by my doctor many years ago. I go back and forth to that book. I am content to stay at... Full Bio
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Height: 5’ 1”
Weight: 210 lbs.
 

Bio

I live in Tennessee. I was diagnosed in 1987 with Chronic Anxiety Disorder when i had a nervous breakdown and was in the hospital 9 weeks. Ive been on Prozac since then along with Tranzene for nerves. I have Agoraphobia really bad. I guess that's the worst thing. I can't deal with it. It's dealing with, me not the other way around. I have been somewhat trying to  read The Agoraphobia workbook suggested by my doctor many years ago. I go back and forth to that book. I am content to stay at home but I'm missing out on so much. I uses to play duplicate bridge and miss that whole environment and friends. I break so many engagements that hardly anybody asked me to play anymore. When I lost my job 2 years ago this problem has only gotten worse. The longer I stay in the worse it gets. My Mother and Dad are in a retirement home close to me but I haven't visited them for 6 months which is unforgivable but I cannot help it. If I tell my mom I will take her to the store I always want to back out. No one can count on me anymore. I don't know if they feel sorry for me or are ashamed of me. It gets worse. I am broke and will probably loose my house soon. My 45 yr. old daughter and 20 yr. old grandson live with me and neither of them work and they have mental issues as well. It's like everybody is depressed around here. Even the dogs are depressed. I can't find a job.  There's not enough food or anything. All 3 of us are hoarded up in this house and no one seems hopeful of anything. We are all Christians but now we don't get along with each other. I want a place of my own or for them to move out. They won't go and have nowhere to go or means to take care of themselves. What a big mess. I am 64 and wish my life was different. I think if I were on my own I would take much better care of myself. We all are starting to dislike each other. I've thought of evicting them but it seems too cruel. I've thought about leaving this house behind and moving out and on. I can't afford it anyway. If I Dont get a job the house is going to be for forclosed upon. When I have a routine of working I do pretty good. I and a full charge bookkeeper with many good office skills. I am smart but you wouldn't think so by reading this. I've worked since I was 16 and live working. Please pray for me.