Today was the day that I changed physios. I'm not overly thrilled about this and I'm not completely convinced that it was my preconceptions that have caused the problem. I wasn't looking forward to it as I work well with the guy that I was working with up until today. Today marked a major change and apparently everything I was doing was wrong and apparently if we fix these bad habits now 'there is a good chance you can be normal'. Bah. Who says stuff like that? There was never any doubt in my mind that I am going to be normal. I despise that word and it doesn't accurately convey my meaning. There was never any doubt in my head that the outcome would be positive..... until now. It annoys me (much stronger language), that yesterday was such a positive day and I was ready to smash it again today.
I understand the philosophy of getting things done the right way the first time, however, there are some times where you need to just figure out a way to do something to cope with life. I've been doing this for twenty years. It might not be normal but you know what, I had a good life. Saying I might end up normal implies that I wasn't. This might not be how it was meant though it really was a freaking stupid thing to say. I'll do what I need to do to cope for now and then I will go back to working with my regular awesome physios who will correct me without being condescending, who will actually work with me to not only cope and get through life but achieve the positive outcomes that I am determined to achieve and who will listen to me when times get tough and inspire me to keep going. I will believe them because I trust their sincerity and their professional skills. There will be no fake platitudes as they will actually know what my progress has been like and be skilled enough to know what my limits are and help me push through them without making me feel like a failure. (eg setting realistic targets, one step at a time, letting me be involved in my own program and understanding how we need to get where we need to go). Two of my best friends, one being my husband, want me to request a change from the new physio and I'm not keen to do so while I'm here. I know this might seem like I'm going back on my idea of being your own advocate but I don't want to rock the boat when I'm so close to being out of here and being in charge of my life again. I will be mentally prepared for tomorrow and I won't let it upset me again. I'm sure that the current physio knows her stuff and her methods work with some people but they don't work with me. There are only four days of gym left before going home and I can grin and bear it. I'll try my best and do what I have to do to be the model patient. If I can wrangle it, one of them might be able to be a handover session. I'm going to ask about that tomorrow and see what is possible. I am not a failure and I won't give her the power to make me feel like one.
The big thing we need to cope with is stairs and my home visit on Tuesday. Frankly it doesn't matter if the heel on the bottom leg lifts a little from the ground to get the top leg onto the stair at this point. (My quads are strong, I have good balance and am stable so it isn't a falls risk) I am working on hip flexor strength to lift the leg and it might not be where it needs to be by Tuesday, so what should we do? Skip the home visit? Delay going home? I'd like to swear here but I have refrained from doing so thus far with this blog (at least I think I have), so I won't though I am sure you know full well what I'd like to say here. 28 Days in hospital is enough for me. I'm out of here. I'll get in the freaking house any freaking way I can and then once I'm in I'll work at it until I get to where I need to be.
I have so many bad habits from years of compensating for my diseased bone on bone hip joints. I have already gotten rid of one and am working on the others that appear as I get fatigued. Apparently it's better to do nothing than something if it is wrong. I'm not a professional and not qualified to comment about anything but my own experience. I disagree with that particular professional opinion that this is the case in all situations. Obviously you don't want to do something the wrong way if it will cause injury or possibly cause stability to be affected thus increasing the risk of a fall but the fact of the matter is I am going to need to compensate to some degree until I heal fully and my strength returns. For my mental health it is better for me to try something and at least achieve it even if I did 'cheat' this time and work on doing it properly especially if it means that I can actually get inside my house. I also think it's better for me to be moving even if the range isn't up to what it should be.
Isn't it better for me to at least try to continue rather than give up? If I had of done that I wouldn't have done any exercises as up until a few days ago I needed freaking assistance to actually get pretty much any of it done. From the very beginning of my rehab I've asked to give things a go even though I knew I wouldn't be able to do it completely, I just wanted to see how far I could get and how close I was. When I couldn't quite get there I was getting encouragement and we would work on it and you know what, the next day it was a little bit easier and I could do it a little bit better. If you beat the will to try out of someone in rehab you aren't going to get good results. Mentally the patient has to want it and want to be there otherwise what's the point?