Yesterday, after another night at the P & W, I woke up again feeling like crap. As the day wore on it got worse. I've been getting all sorts of emails, tweets, blog posts and text messages that I need to get to a doctor.
The only reason I've resisted is I don't know what he's going to do, if anything? It's not like I have acute pain anywhere. I just have this heaviness in my chest and I feel crappy.
As the day went on I started to wonder if this is just stress related? I started putting together a weekly report of all activities being worked on in my division and it was a monster list. The pressure to deliver some big sales numbers in a short period if time is the goal and I can honestly say I'm doing everything physically possible to make this happen.
To put it in perspective. My corporate team of John and Al have 75 trade shows they are attending on their list, most within the next 90 days. That's the level of intensity in all areas we are working on and there is about 8 or 9 major similar initiatives. I'm going from morning to night at full speed just to keep it all moving.
Just as an example, with received and sent emails - I had 409 Monday, 658 Tuesday and 560 Wednesday. Not to mention meeting after meeting after meeting.
I'm not sure if my issues are physical, from the clots and or mental from the stress. I think they are probably both. After Sunday's 3 hour run is when it started getting worse.
Yesterday was a tough day. I felt like death. It was also the day that Alice gave me her two cents. We were sitting at the Pig & Whistle, it was late and I was telling her how crappy I'm feeling physically and the mental toll everything has been overwhelming.
The net result was her telling me "you need to get your shit together" in a very loving way. She doesn't want to lose me, it's not fair to her or the kids. I told her I can now understand how those Japanese guys who worth themselves to death feel like. These past few days I truly felt I could die at any moment, no joke.
She also told me she has a "really bad feeling about me doing Ironman New Zealand", she feels it in her bones and really doesn't want me doing it.
In the end she's totally right, 100%. I've been stupid. I haven't been taking care of myself physically, especially after coming down with blood clots. I haven't taken my doctors advice, especially about "no alcohol for six months". I'm dealing with legitimate physical issues and then I'm putting incredible pressure on myself mentally, pounding out work most every hour of the day. As much as I'm having fun and enjoying it, it's stupid. I'm going to break down, there's no way around it.
Today was another tough day. I started off better, but by late afternoon I started feeling worse and worse. Eventually at 5 pm I decided to take a drive down to Niagara Falls to pick up the skateboard I got off eBay. I felt crappy driving down. As much as I turned off work, it wasn't helping a lot, I still felt crappy. We stopped for a nice prime rib and lobster dinner in Niagara Falls, I felt a little better after that.
This time I was prepared for customs, I printed out my ebay invoice. The board cost me $102. The guy was tough and asked to see the invoice. The skateboard is about 35 years old. I've been tracking for a RACO Schlitz beer skateboard for 2 years, getting alerts daily. In two years, nothing, then one came up, but it was Budweiser. When I was a kid, I wanted the Schlitz board so bad, it was $40 or $60 and I'd go into the shop that had it and just marvel at it.
Even though I didn't get the Schlitz, yet. I wasn't going to let the Budweiser version get away. I bought it and it was a bidding war. I use Auction Sniper and of course won! Suckers.
Back to dinner, the funny thing about that dinner was that we went into a nice steak house, everything well appointed. Then near the end of our meal someone starts singing a Carly Simon song, it's sounded live. Sure enough the weirdest thing, our waitress had a microphone in her hand and was walking around the restaurant singing. It would be cool if it was that type of restaurant, but it was a fancier one and she was an okay singer, but not great.
Anyway, after that I felt a little better, but still not great. Mind you my pants being super tight doesn't mentally help either. I'm on the edge of the fatty cliff, I'm standing and my toes are hanging over the edge.
BUT, I did listen to Alice, today I emailed Ironman New Zealand. It wasn't easy. I wrote the email and just looked at it before I hit send. Then I got up and walked around doing other stuff before sitting back down and hitting send. It hurt to hear that email leave.
If I do feel crappy like this tomorrow, I'm going to the doctor for sure.