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Nightmares. I am grossed out.

Posted May 05 2009 12:00am

Tonight I have reached a new level of grossing myself out/scaring myself silly before bedtime.  I am so nauseous from my online adventure that I just had to get up and make tea.

I don’t know why I do this.  I know it’s completely ridiculous, but at least three nights a week I find myself on the computer in bed reading all sorts of medical literature.

When I can’t sleep I google things that I am diagnosed with or things that I may diagnose myself with at any given moment.  It is a strange addiction, my only way of controlling the uncontrollable.

I google alert, and google search, and peruse medical communities and blogs.  It’s my poison.

I came across the blog of a cardiologist/EP (cardiologist that deals with pacemaker/ defibrillators) and I read his post on the pacemaker implantation itself.  You see, every five to seven years I must get my pacemaker changed because the battery does not last forever.  This is what I have to look forward to:

“But cutting a pacemaker from someone’s chest is no easy feat, especially when a pen knife is used. That’s because the pacemaker generator and leads become encased in a fibrous shell that firmly anchors the device in place. This fibrous shell begins to take shape shortly after the pacemaker implant as the body works to isolate the foreign body from the surrounding tissues. The the formation of the typically shimmering scar-like pocket occurs over several months time. When devices are not touched for years, the pocket can even become calcified: a so-called “porcelain pocket” that can be particularly challenging to remove the device when battery changes are needed.”

via Dr. Wes

Yup, that’s happening in my chest.  My chest!  I still cannot believe it is in there!!! Filled with a packet of scar tissue!  Ugh.  Vom dot com.

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