Living a normal life when your life is anything but normal (Part 2)
Posted Oct 13 2009 10:05pm
Sorry..I planned to post earlier but I have been swamped with trying to buy my first home, who knew all that was involved.
After my glenn procedure as a teenager, I was really lost and didn’t really know who I was. It didn’t helpthat I just turn 14, and had spent a month in a hospital, and two weeks later had to start my freshman year of highschool. Now what I am about to say might actually upset some people, but if I could have found the courage to say it back then to my family and friends I would have " just because I am home and no longer in the hospital, doesn’t mean I am ok and it certainly doesn’t mean life will go back to the way it was before." I deperately spent years trying to pretend that life was normal after tha,t and sometimes I cnovinced myself but I never was truly happy.
I can say I didn’t truly feel normal again till I was away in college living on my own terms, It was then that I felt that I could really be who I was and no one really knew who I was before that. No one to judge me that I once was able to climb that hill and now I can't and wants to know why. My parent pushed me to get a normal life which I am grateful for , but it was hard to know that as much as I accomplished I was never really going to be as normal as my friends. Now realize that I didn’t know any other CHD people. I guess it wasn’t till college I realized I didn’t have to fit in I just had to be myself and I think all teenagers go through that phase, CHD or not but for me it was a realization that no one can understand what it is like and people who really love me don't like to think about what it is like to be me. The only person who can really judge me, is me and once I learned that I could brush off what people say or what they think I am capable of. People who love you should always push you to be better but it is you that can only make it happen.