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I think I can I think I can I think I can

Posted Mar 09 2008 12:00am

It’s been pretty steady. 

I am almost afraid to say it aloud but I am going to anyway because I want to share it with you:  it’s been almost two weeks of good days and making progress.  I can do more and more, I feel stronger and I am walking more blocks.  For awhile there I was really affected because I had gotten to the point where my mind was playing tricks on me.  I was scared to leave the house!  I was scared to be alone!  I was freaking out! I couldn’t have any of that so I am proud to say that I decided I would basically put myself into (mental and physical) training. I set a goal to be much much more “able” by the end of march.  This means walking distances without feeling tired, getting back into shape, being outside more and of course, those things I haven’t encountered in quite some time… steps!   I walked up a couple flights last week and my legs were so wobbly afterward that I had to get on the floor, stretch and rest…

I saw a physical therapist/massage therapist yesterday who is going to work with me to get my core strength back.  I lost so much weight, mainly muscle mass throughout this and I want to feel strong again.  Also, being that the Kicker is a foreign object, the therapist explained to me that my alignment is very off.  I am subconsciously favoring my left shoulder and arm which has shortened my pectoral muscles and basicaly tensed up my entire upper back and neck area.  This has been very uncomfortable and at times painful.  He taught me some easy stretches to do at home and know that I am aware of this I am trying not to favor the traumatized area.  After all, it doesn’t really hurt so much anymore, scar tissue has built around it so I can be sure it’s not going to pop out or something (an everyday irrational fear of mine).

So, that’s what I’ve been up to.  Attending to my body has been number one.  I’ll say it again, it is so so so important to me that I feel strong again.  

An update on the adult stem cell therapy:  I am on my way to applying.  There is a very long process and it’s only the beginning but I have spoken to a patient care coordinator and she explained everything I would need to submit with my application.  It’ll be a journey but I’m prepared to take it if it means giving my ticker some new cells, new tissues, new life…

One last thing I want to leave you with:

I actually went OUT. Yup!  Last night!  It was my friend’s birthday and I had a full night out to dinner. Then Thomas and I decided it would be a good opportunity to test the limits a bit and since I was feeling so good I would go with everyone to the club afterward.  You know, put me in a new atmosphere. Well I am so glad I went.  I stayed only an hour at the club with everyone (we are very careful to not push it).  It felt soooooo amazing to be out and feeling good! Truly good! It wasn’t even about the actual club per say it was just the fact that I felt like a person again!  I forgot about everything for awhile and I was so incredibly overjoyed to be with my friends.  One thing is for sure,  I appreciate everything so much more post Kicker.  I hadn’t been out (talking in the nightlife scene) in months (seriously, like 6 months) and I felt alive when I left there last night. 

Tomorrow, some family time.  I can’t wait.

Until the next time…. have a great weekend and be happy!

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