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Hot and Bothered:) (definitely not for kids)

Posted Aug 25 2008 6:48pm

This is just another one of those days that I am out of my mind...patience. Between Mark's comment (will be purchasing his books :)) on my blog last night and Mike McConnell's blog (go-tees are hot) that I read for my 7:30 wake up call, I have been ruminating all day. It didn't help that my friend left the vibrating ring in my mailbox this morning...but I'll get to that later. First of all, there is just nothing sexier than a man who can write and express himself...totally down with that, especially when he is liberal despite personal convictions. (Good thing I live oceans away:))

I think based on studies that I remember hearing on the radio last year, Italian (Think Catholic capital of the world) women have more sex, by far, than American women - obviously each case is a case in and of itself. However this statistic has remained in my head for some reason.

I wonder what the statistic could possibly be regarding the amount of sex a mom of a deaf child following the oral/a-v approach might be...those would have to be some llloooooooow numbers. I mean how turned on can a woman possibly be when she's thinking about how to bring that "s" sound on, while eager hubby is going for that thang. Women don't always approach sex physically, at least until we really realize what a great stress-relief it can be - we're more about the mental stimulation. So important to communicate this to the partner, but they don't always get it, because they are all about physical.

This was my sex life during the hearing aid years - once, twice a week, max. Get it over with so I can relax for the next six days. How effin sad and pathetic is that, but when you are fighting for the life of your child, with the child 24/7 and he's sleeping in your bed until he's 5 or six, what the hell can a woman do?

And then came the cochlear implant. After the initial shock of the operation wore off and I started to return to being a woman, I brought sexy back, hard. Now, life is satisfying, but it took a while to get here. The choices we make for our children, lives and families all have consequences in every aspect of who we are as women. We don't just breathe, we feel.

Now, about that vibrating ring . Highly recommended. A friend of ours is the owner of the cafe where I just got picked up again, this time by a sixty year old, so they are getting younger:)(fyi: dropped 25 pounds since last summer and I'm in the University mentality after having spent the past ten years in high school again - get the analogy- so I'm feeling good again after so many years of being so closed)anyway, the owner knows me so he decided to recommend a new product...the vibrating ring - just use your imagination - don't know you all well enough to go there. This ring has become the joke of Istia as I have recommended it to everyone, including Jordan's 58 year old very Catholic teacher. That was kind of because she insisted on knowing what we were talking about at a class function and it would have been really rude not to tell her...well, she asked for it. And...Italian women ARE famous for having a lot of sex. New Year's Eve was hysterical because my friend's husband made the announcement that he BUSTED the ring...he is now quite famous around town.

Okay, there is a point to all of this, although I am dragging it out...Italian television, magazines, billboards etc. all portray an image of a supersexy, chesty, pouting woman. What's a mother to do, to combat this image of a woman? It's impossible, so when we drive by these billboards and my eleven year old son who is finding his hormones says, "Hey Ma,Oh what beautiful boobs!" What the hell do I say? I explain that it is not proper to say such things in respect to women. It is offensive. Then, right after dinner a very popular television show - and no wonder it's so popular- comes on and the first thing they say is, "Ecco le VELINE!" (pictured above) Two super-stacked, beautiful, young, long-legged hotties dressed in hoochy-cutters and classy bras - this right after dinner. I must admit, their dancing skills are exceptional - PUKE! Now when your husband sees all of this on a satisfied full stomach (rare in my house because I am the WORST cook) where do you think his mind is going, despite the fact that his comment is, "Oh please, I could be their father!" (con cazzo - you'll just have to translate that yourselves)

And my hormonal son, "Oh, look at them!"

Gotta watch out for kids nowadays, because just when you think they are sound asleep, they give you a serious wake up call. Jordan and I had a conversation last year before he went to sleep and I asked, "Jordan, what do you dream about when you dream?" His response, "Zio Papperone, Ilaria e le poccie!" Translation: Uncle Scrooge - the billionaire from the Mickey Mouse/Donald Duck comics, Ilaria - the girl he was in love with for 5 years of Elementary School, and Boobs."

My sweet, sensitive deaf child ain't so asleep.
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