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Battling with my Hearing Loss...

Posted Apr 21 2009 11:47pm
Two days ago I woke up from a nap, I go to call my boyfriend back because there was a missed call. So I picked up my Blackberry and called him. I heard SILENCE.. I was confused at first.. I hung up redialed again Still SILENCE. I hung up and I text him. I couldnt hear. Then my mother calls me. I always left my phone on Vibrate. So I picked it up COULDN'T HEAR. I texted her that I am having trouble hearing. I thought it was just something for like a few seconds but no..I am in Silence as of two days and it is sure frightening for me. Im not use to this... I am used to being hearing impaired and hearing a little bit although I must say its the same in someway but and I more alert than ever concentrating more. It is making me tired. Thankfully, I read lips very well.. I have done my entire life and I do that daily basically without people even knowing. My entire hearing loss issue. I really dont know much about it, Im still learning. I do know from what my mom told me I have a Sensorineural hearing loss since birth. That is all I know. It dont help me much. I want to know why and if something is wrong with my ear. Everday,Im trying to learn more about it because I would love to know and u know one day if I ever have children I would like to tell them my life growing up as a hard of hearing person. My hearing loss has always been mild-moderate then mod-severe throughtout the years and just back a few months ago I woke up one day in Sept 2007 and I couldnt hear out of my Right Ear. I was scared SHITLESS!!! I gotten used to it pass few months but in it breaks my heart I cant hear a damn thing right now. You know I always struggled without telling anyone between dinner time and conversations, tv, parties.. etc. You get it im sure. Well yes-- that is why I always hated bars, clubs, parties, I prefer my room! That is the answer for all my family members. I never really told anyone that Im struggling I guess because they just consider just because I CAN HEAR means SHE CAN UNDERTAND. Truthfully most time I cant. I basically stand there and I pick out the important words and just figure out on my own what the heck they can be saying. I guess its part of my fault bc I never said anything. I guess its just a fear because of struggling my entire life. IDK at this moment. Now just trying to communicate with my boyfriend who means the world to me is very difficult more than ever. Today I used I711.COM to contact him its relay service and someone talks to him and relays wut i say and I HATE IT. I want to be the person talking to him. My favorite part of the night is him calling me after work about 11pm... and I love it. The pass 2 nights I am without that conversation. I hate it more than ever. I hope I do get my hearing back. Here is what happened today.

So today, I went to ENT ( as an emergency, they let me in what a surprised! It only took a good hour to get in or longer). My ENT has known me since I was a baby hes done surgery on me etc. He tells my mom " HES BAFFLED, HE CANT HELP ME". He said that for my Right Ear Also. Now some of you know I have a seziure disorder and yeah maybe its from the seziures, yeah maybe its from passing out on the top of the steps. I DONT KNOW... I DONT HAVE ANSWERS.. This seziures has been and on going battle for almost 2 yrs it will be 2 yrs in August. I tell you its very frustrating and Its something I cannot deal with for the rest of my life. I dont even know how I came this far and I cant believe how Strong I am! So going back in forth to like 5 different er's its just absurd.. 12 admissions. It never ends and every test out there I TOOK IT!! Everything comes back NORMAL... So my last resort because after the ENT I went to my regular dr he said is baffled to and what I have going on is far beyong him and I have to go to NYC Neurologist and I really hope they can help me.

You know there is a saying out there and it goes something like this:
"As adults we take the precious gift of hearing for granted". I wanted to say In my opinion I find this true. All these kids are on IPODS all hours of the day ( THAT I JUST CANT STAND LOOKING AT), on the phone while someone in a different room talking to them ( DAMN THAT IS INTELLEGENT) LOL. So I find this true.

Lastly, I DIDNT exspect this to happen. Its like a total nightmare but I know just by researching and learing from all the other moms ( who have kids with hearing loss) just how much acessibility is out there for me. Yes Im afraid to sleep at night that is why I only slept 4 hrs last night including pain but I hope I get my hearing back.

If not then I guess this is world that meant for me. It will be a difficult one but it cant be harder than what I have gone through my entire life especially now with my illness.

I hope you all have good night!

PS- My new goal for this year.. is to write a book about Hearing Loss Journey, I deafinitely got a book to write but first I really want to find more info about my hearing loss.

To my family members- Dont Cry its okay.. Mom- crying is only gonna make me worst!


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