Imagine that you travel to another planet. On that planet are fellow beings that seem very similar to you, however, their bodies are covered with an infectious skin disease. These beings aren't born that way. Instead, the disease begins in early childhood and gets worse as they age.
This disease causes wounds all over their bodies. No one touches each other or gets too close because no one wants to feel the pain of their wounds. Even though there is a very strong need for affection, hardly anyone gets near each other, but instead maintains a wall of space around them. If the need for affection overcomes their fear of the pain, they will touch, attempting to ignore the ache. Initially, it seems worth it but soon they each begin to blame each other for the pain of the wounds. Shortly after, they decide that the closeness isn't worth the pain after all.
Now... imagine those beings are us.
This is what we do in relationships and in life. Except our wounds aren't as obvious as skin lesions on the outside of our body. Each of our wounds comes from some belief about ourselves that has been taught to us a some point in our life. We're terrified of feeling the pain of our wounds so many of us keep a wall of space around us - even when in a relationship! We're so afraid of being that vulnerable...
Then when we do allow someone in, those old wounds begin to surface. Soon it seems that the pain you feel is coming from the person you allowed to be close to you. How quickly we forget that those wounds were there long ago, given by some other person who's belief about you you chose to hold on to.
It is up to US to heal our own wounds.
In every relationship - parent/child/sibling/friend/partner - it is each person's responsibility to care and treat their own wounds. The way to healing is a three step process
With truth, you have to cut open each wound. Question those deep beliefs about yourself. Is this the truth of you? Do you really believe you are not good enough for love?
Forgiveness does not mean looking back at the person who inflicted the wound and saying, "I'm going to forget what you did to me." No, forgiveness is something you do for yourself. Forgiveness is a choice to take back your power and not give energy to the hatred towards that person. That hatred is what causes the wound to fester. Forgiveness means, "I realize what you did wasn't the truth about me. Or you. You reacted to your wounds too."
Self-love is the best salve for those wounds. Ironically, the very fact that you want to heal your wounds indicates self-love. With love, you can treat yourself with gentle kindness, nursing yourself back to health. You can look at the scars and smile with the realization that a healed wound means a more loving you.
Everyone reacts to their own wounds. It may seem that you are the cause of their wound but remember, each wound is an untrue belief that the other person chose to make real. Your reaction to their reaction is your own wound.
That anger, that sadness, that rage, that frustration, that selfishness, all of it, is pain. Pain is nothing more than resistance to truth.
What is your truth?
Do you believe you are worthy of love?
Sadly most of us don't. Which is why we live in this world of reaction and fear. I am doing my best to stop reacting and to love more. Fear is nothing more than a call for love anyway.
My truth is the same as yours. We are the very same.