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WIAW- When There Was No Fear

Posted Oct 03 2012 6:49pm

Ahoy!

I have recently been finding myself posting later in the day because writing them the night before is just not happening as often these days…. a paper was due this morning and I had an exam this afternoon, so blogging just could not happen. Must remember priorities ;) The studying paid off though, I got a great grade on my third exam :)

Alright it’s What I Ate Wednesday time and thank you as always Jenn for organizing this!

Lately my meals have truly been less than stellar… what others might even consider to be boring! Yogurt/cereal/fruit bar for breakfast, various trail mixes, protein bars, and HONEY CRISPS for snacks. Roasted veggies with chicken for lunch, and dinner has been a breakfast for dinner situation for far too many nights now. I suppose some might consider this a rut, but I would say it’s a “Not-feelin-making-my-meals-creative-in-the-slightest,” and eating much of the same items each day has honestly been helping my stress and anxiety levels.

I will try and change it up next week though, I don’t think it’s the best idea to stick to the very same items on a constant basis.

Because of this, I am changing up my WIAW post today to show What I USED TO Eat! Now I have done something like this before, but that edition focused on what I used to eat in the depths of my eating disorder. This version is much more fun, it’s a day full of eats from when I was a child, around 10 I would say.

Even as a child I was a foodie, and can remember pretty much exactly what I ate in a typical day around that age. It was a time when I was on a demanding swim team and therefore felt starving nearly 100% of the time. I was also very tall and well I am just going to say it, I was a chubby kid. It simply came down to the fact that I LOVED food and I loved eating, and honestly if I was not swimming at the time, I’m pretty sure obesity would have been in my future…

While I did eat often, it was not the priority of my life, it did not play the starring role as it does now. I loved food because it was fun, filled me up, tasted great, and fueled me for all other activities I was doing- swimming, BARBIES, exploring, biking, board games, various imaginary games… So how was this even possible, how was it that I loved food so much yet at the same time did not give a second thought about it?

It’s because I did not fear food, I was not aware of what my body looked like, how much larger it was from others. I didn’t yet care what others thought of my physical appearance and I was happy and comfortable with myself. I ate what and when I wanted and swimming kept me physically fit, strong, and provided me with a hobby I would grow to love. Food was essential and important to me, but far from the sense of “purpose” it now serves in my life.

Without further ado, allow me to show you the types of food and meals I Used To Eat (Wednesday!), on a typical day.

Oh and when I was growing up, there were a lot of hungry people in the house- my two older brothers (and their friends often came over), my younger step-sister, my mom and stepdad, two pets, myself and my friends that always came over– I had play dates up the wazoo. Because of this, our pantry was consistently STOCKED with any kind of junk/snack food you could think of, all types of cereals, ice cream and such, and we were known among our friends as the house with the best food. We took pride in this ;)

For as long as I can remember CEREAL was my choice for breakfast every.single.morning. I have talked about my formal cereal selection many times over so I will not bore you again, but let me tell you, I would always have 2-4 bowls a day with good old 2% cow’s milk. I would usually choose one type of cereal, eat it to death over a 4-ish month period, and then choose another after I could not longer even look at the one I had previously consumed.

A few favorites that were worked into the rotation:

  • Pure delightful sugary ones: Frosted Flakes, Frosted Mini Wheats, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Rice Krispies TREATS cereal, Froot Loops, Cap’n Crunch (specifically with the berries mixed in), Waffle Crisp (<–yeah, remember that sh*t?!), Cocoa Krispies, Alpha Bits and Honey Nut Cheerios.
  • Not so sugary but still addicting: Chex, Crispix (which I actually dumped countless spoonfuls of sugar on…), Original Life, Rice Krispies (sugar poured on, whoops), and Wheaties.
  • Ones that were just not okay: Lucky Charms (what an ignorant child I was), and Golden Grahams, Reeses Puffs, Apple Jacks, Honey Nut Chex <– all of those got soggy WAY too quickly and grossed the hell out of me. Unacceptable.

So yeah you get it, I liked cereal ;) It’s actually the very first thing I cut out when I felt I “needed” to lose weight when I was 12 years old. That was a sad day for sure.

Besides cereal, I ALWAYS got a toasted everything bagel with extra full-fat cream cheese after swim practice… sometimes two. And if I went out to a restaurant for breakfast, a big fluffy Belgium waffle was pretty much always ordered. Let me tell you, Denny’s (Breakfast served all day!) has some bomb waffles… extra butter and syrup.

I will just show you pictures of the various snacks that made regular appearances:

Dunkaroos… but obviously the ONLY good kind, the cinnamon grahams with the funfetti frosting ;)

Blueberry poptarts… lick the frosting off first, the best part!

Clearly I was addicted to SUGAR when I was a child, things have not changed much as far as addictions and cravings go to be completely honest. On special days after school, my mom would take me to Dunkin Donuts and I would usually get TWO doughnuts- Boston Cremes and Chocolate Crullers were my first choices!

Now don’t fret, I did have some veggies and fruits as snacks too, and I actually was pretty balanced with what I ate. It was mostly the portions of items that caused higher weight issues for me, but again, I didn’t care at that age and it was awesome.

On school days my mom would pack my lunch and I a classic PB and J was my sandwich of choice…. extra JELLY please, I liked it coming out of the sides when I bit into it. I usually had some carrot sticks, smartfood, Oreos, and some sort of candy to go along with my lunch as well. Oh but I would not stop there. I would also eat parts of my friend’s lunches who never finished their items- half a sandwich here, a few cookies there, some chips, etc.

Let’s not forget about the best M&M sugar cookies ever that the school made! I swear they were laced with crack, or perhaps baked with 3 or so sticks of butter and extra sugar to boot. Oh well I didn’t give a hoot what was in them, they in fact remain to be the best cookies I have ever tasted to this day!

On the weekend, my Stepdad often took me and my stepsister out for the day and our usual place for lunch was good old McDonald’s! I would not order a measly happy meal though… oh no, I went for bigger and “better” food. A quarter pounder cheeseburger, medium fries, and a small vanilla milkshake was my meal of choice.

When I would get home from swim practice, I was more than ready for dinner. Favorites in my family included Hamburger Helper meals, Stuffed Shells, Chicken Alfredo, hamburgers from the grill, Chicken Tetrazzini (extra creamy sauce please). I loved all of these, especially starvin-marvin after practice, but my absolute favorite dinner my mom made was:

Roasted Pork Loin in bacon, with heaps of butter egg noodles, applesauce, salted cucumbers on the side and chocolate milk with a straw(!!) to drink.

Good gracious did I adore that meal.

I have mentioned my love for ice cream way too often… but oh well I am here to say it again! It has held a special play in my heart for years and years now, although the types I now consume are quite different. Would you like to know what was always stocked in my house?

Full-fat Haagen-Dazs. One or two scoops in a plain cone was a delightful way to end my day.

Other popular ones were basically any sugar, gummy candy (shocker I know), chocolate chip cookies dipped in cool whip, Ring Dings and/or Yodels, and in my humble opinion, the very best cake in the entire world,

Entenmann’s Marshmallow Iced Devil’s Food Cake. I could put away at least a 1/4 of one of these bad boys in one sitting no problem. The frosting went first, I am sure you could have guessed that ;)

***************

There it is, What I Used To Eat when food was not something i feared, when in my mind, the size of my body did not matter, when my appearance did not equal who I was, where I loved my life, my friends, my family, and most importantly myself.

It’s when I started to grow up, when my innocence ebbed away, and my awareness of the world grew, that I became critical of the person I was. The fact that people made fun of me, teased me for my height and paid more attention to my teeny-tiny friends, certainly did not help this situation. I grew up, better understood realities, went through heavy emotional times in my life, and became increasingly critical of myself. There was a time I ate food without thinking twice… oh gosh how wonderful that was.

Although I know I will never get back to the bliss-free mind of a child when it comes to food, it would be more than awesome to experience even a bit of that mindset one day. It was never about the food when I was younger and I was happy because I was fine with myself and didn’t realize and understand the realities of the world. Even at this time, somehow this entire way I feel is NOT about the food, but whatever is lurking beneath. Still workin on figuring out just what that is though!

-When you were younger, what kind of role did food play in your life? 

-Did your childhood home have “forbidden” snacks or mostly healthy crap? There were a few friends that had only pretzels and fruit for after school snacks… I never went there ;)

-When you went out to eat for breakfast as a kid, what would you typically order? How about these days? Formally the waffle and now oatmeal and fruit. Sigh.

-If you ate packaged/trans-fatty-deliciousness when you were younger, what was your favorite? Ring Dings, Yodels and Devil Dogs will forever hold a special place in my heart! Oh and those doughnuts that are covered in chocolate and yellow cake inside.

-What was the best thing you ate/baked/cooked in the past week?!

Enjoy the rest of your… night :) (I almost said day, it’s already 7 pm here! Where did the day go?!) Now I am off to catch up on all of YOUR What I Ate Wednesday posts!

-

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