No lengthy intros from me today, I want to get right to it!
How about a food-related post in honor of What I Ate Wednesday! As always thanks go to Jenn over at Peas and Crayons for continuing to organize this shindig each and every week!
Soooo I’m thinking this is going to be a pretty random-a** WIAW post because I have a whole bunch on my mind and am thinking that getting them out here is a great idea at the moment. I am doing the style of writing with pictures of my food from yesterday thrown in there to help break up the text and of course follow along with WIAW! I think it will all come together in the end… we shall see.
Like I just said, this is my day of eats from yesterday- school from 8:00-12:20 (4 hours of sitting, my anxiety was threw the roof at the end), followed by an hour break, 2:00 pm appointment with my therapist, from there right to the gym (1.5 hours ish… lots and lots of stretching!), and the remainder of the day at home.
4% cottage cheese, 2% plain Chobani (fuller-fat dairy= scarier but oh so much tastier), plain soy milk, Kashi Go Lean and Fiber One Honey squares and on sale(!!) fresh blueberries. Now to some I am pretty sure this sounds mighty gross, the cottage cheese being the main culprit. But let me tell you, I love making the yogurt and cottage cheese thinner with the milk… plus the cereal mixes in nicely and makes a great consistency all together. I like my oatmeal the exact same way (thicker, BOO), nice and watery is the way to go! <– Makes it sound even grosser.
For the record, I should be studying/reviewing/continuing to sell my soul to school work right now… but I CANNOT. I am craving a break and partaking in a familiar, fun and nice activity, aka blogging specifically for WIAW, is something that is easing me right now. BUT I am going to try and make this snappy and not turn it into a book of a post because ahhh I have my very first exam tomorrow! To say I am nervous would be an understatement, petrified is the operative word here. The idea of starting the semester off with a poor grade is just such a sad one and I am doing everything in my power to avoid that.
As I mentioned in my last post, I am the #1 snacker in my class and while I do feel embarrassed, especially when I am making extra noise with packaging, crinkling of paper, etc, I go from full to HUNGRY in about 5 minutes and need food asap. Phew that was a run on sentence. Anyway I went with an energy bar to satiate the beast.
A Quest Bar! These are my absolute favorite protein/energy bars, not only because of the high protein content (20 grams), but they honest-to-goodness taste fantastic. I do prefer them slightly heated in the microwave (warning don’t put one in there too long! ), but unless I was a magician in that moment, that was not an option. I would say this particular flavor, Peanut Butter & Jelly is my current favorite, followed by Apple Pie and Chocolate Brownie. Case you were wonderin! They are HELLA expensive though, so they are rarely bought.
Well except for this moment when I probably should get my ass off of the computer and get back to it, no matter how much my brain hurts. Tough cookies, I’m here for now! Plus since this semester is maternity and pediatrics, the last few weeks have been all about women’s periods, breasts, STIs (if I see another picture tonight of a dirty, diseased vag or contaminated genital area…), infertility, contraceptives, child immunizations, and complications of all of these. While I do find this information quite interesting (no sarcasm, seriously), I can only take so much in one night if ya get what I am saying here
Funny story(?). The other night I was eating my dinner while reading the chapter in my maternity book on STIs. When I eventually turned the page to the signs and symptoms associated with the infections, well let me tell you, one of two things had to happen- either I close the book or I stop eating. It was full of pictures of Gonorrhea and HPV issues… I am maintaining maturity but can’t handle food while observing such images.
While in school I am planning to make a big meal of some sort where I can take a serving to school each week… for convenience’s sake. For this week I went with a favorite dish of my mom’s (among mine as well), Brown Rice with Sauteed Shrimp, Avocado and Pineapple. It’s a recipe I have made before, many times by now actually, and one that keeps me full and has all of that good nutrient crap.
I also mixed in some fresh spinach while everything was still warm for some extra greenage. <– That’s a word. Lunch was consumed rather quickly in my car parked outside of my therapist’s office. Classes ran a bit over and with traffic being horrendous, it took me longer than I anticipated to get there.
I will admit that in past times I would most definitely have waited until after my appointment to eat this lunch as a means of “saving” my food/calories for as long as I could. NOPE can’t do that kind of BS right now, especially going into a session where I know my emotions and thoughts will be rocked hard. Which they were, although I always appreciate a ruthless mental-ass kicking from my therapist.
A Honeycrisp was my choice of snack on the drive home. So so pleased to still be finding these bad boys in the grocery store. I mean LOOK at it’s glorious size compared to the Fuji I bought to switch things up. Not sure why, I always want a honeycrisp.
Okay so some random understandings suddenly popping up as I type this…. I’m not entirely sure when this became an actual annoying issue, but I have a hard time STOPPING my consumption of food once I start. That sounds like binging, reactive eating or whatever, but it’s not really. I’m not even sure how to describe it to be honest… like with lunch for example. I had a hearty sized tupperware container of the mix (really, not just telling you this for kicks), I tried savoring and appreciating the flavors, intuitive eating style (a continuous work in progress), yet once I was finished I just wanted MORE. Perhaps of that but anything would probably have worked, inclined more towards something sweet.
I am going to go ahead and guess that this is yet another DUHHH way my body is telling me that I need more food. I get that and the fact that my mind continues to be consumed by thoughts of food and everything related, is another clear indication. I wonder when it will stop.. how long it will take for my mind to stop the urge I feel to “EAT ALL THE THINGS,” no matter how satiated I seem to be.
What I am about to show you is my current most favorite snack. Sweet, salty, and soda all working together to make one magical combination I can’t seem to get enough of (going along with what I explained above),
Pretzels. Goat Cheese. Diet Coke. Holy goodness, perfection. No need to go further on this other than to be so happy with my re-discovered love for goat cheese. Also realizing that the soft, spreadable kind works much better with pretzels is something to note.
Dinner was a simple dish of corn, asparagus and salmon… a meal you really cannot go wrong with.
I enjoy my salmon with a sweet flare and use this mix of ingredients to make a glaze which I then pour onto the salmon and bake! For two people getting 5 (is) oz salmon each.
Perhaps I will change the glaze I choose one day Maybe.
Going along with what I was saying before the dinner interruption… I find that it’s “easier” aka easier for the disordered part of my brain, to be hungry rather than full. Feeling full = fat (though we all know that fat is NOT a feeling) and when I cross into even just satisfied hunger status, I want to keep on going for what… to somehow escape that feeling? Yep makes no sense.
This is all coming from the unhealthy part of me and I guess I have truly forgotten how to eat a meal and move on. Yeah I really have no idea what that’s like anymore, something from my past I hope to get to again someday. Not too long ago I touched upon this, the whole eating and simply going on with my day without a second thought. But when things started to get worse again, those recovering/normalizing tendencies flew (no PROPELLED) out the window.
Somehow I missed this gem during Halloween shenanigans and when I discovered it in the pantry the other day, well I just HAD to make sure it was still good after all of these months.
Do not fret, processed, packaged glorious-ness such as a chocolate-covered Peep doesn’t go bad
I suppose it’s time to relearn again. But let me tell ya, I am impatient and I am tired of that urge to nearly-constantly eat, bored of dwelling on my next meal/snack no matter what my day has been like, what I have eaten so far or recently. So.over.it.
To be truly satisfied, eat and MOVE on, enjoy the food while it’s there, get excited for it even, but have plenty of space in my brain for anything else… just wow, what a goal that is. One I have to believe is achievable though because again, real sick of my head having nothing in it but nursing stuff and food. Time for some stuff that is a bit more interesting please!
Okay must study now. This post took me 2 hours longer than I thought. CRAP. Needed to get the thoughts out though
-Would you say you are able to eat a balanced meal that you actually want, and then move on with your day? I am sure most of you are responding “uhhh yep,” but again, such a foreign idea to me.
-Have you ever “feared” the feelings of hunger and/or fullness? YES to both of these, but the latter more so… I blame my completely screwed up understandings of satisfaction when it comes to food. Hence the rambling on the topic today.
-What is your favorite Quest Bar flavor? If you haven’t tried them, what is your current energy/protein bar of choice?
-Goat cheese, yay or nay? If yay, what do you choose to pair it with? I am going to be on the pretzel and diet coke kick for a while, but I’m on the hunt for new ideas!
-Tell me the best thing you ate, cooked, baked, and/or ordered in the last week!
Enjoy the rest of your Wednesday night dearies! I shall return soon