Yesterday, I felt great. I was on a high from exercise and I was excited about the holidays approaching. Then . . . during the last hour of class I felt strange.
My ears started feeling clogged and I couldn’t hear that well. It got worse on the train ride as pain started shooting down my neck.
When I got home, I decided to clean them with silver like always and go to sleep. 6 hours later when I got up for work . . . I just didn’t feel right. I went to work anyway and things got worse. I had awful nausea and I started burning up yet I felt cold.
So I left within 15 minutes of being there.
And when I came home, I felt GUILTY. So guilty that I planned to go back in for the PM shift.
So why do I feel this way?
First off, I never call out and even when I’m sick, I make sure I just suck it up and go. I also feel bad that I would be losing 10 hours of pay which I really can’t afford to miss out on.
But I think the main reason was because I don’t feel like I DESERVE to take a day so I can rest. It sounds absurd but I hate thinking that people are going to have to work harder because I have to take care of myself and rest.
I fell asleep for a few hours and though I woke up feeling a little better I wasn’t sure if I should go back. My mind kept telling me that I COULD do it and that I needed to for financial and guilts sake. After talking it over with 3 different people (mom, dad, chris) I decided to take the rest of the day off.
It’s not fair that everyone else in the world gets to do this without question. I am important and I deserve to take care of myself and be healthy.
I’m done with guilt.
Im not done with naps, tea and soup though . . .
Have you ever felt guilty for taking care of yourself?