Tonight, Nolan went on his first kiddie ride by himself- the tamest one available.
He nodded in agreement when I asked if he wanted to go by himself. I'm not sure he knew what I was asking.
The ride started, my mother and I both a bundle of nerves. He yelled for me, his face turned red, and he just cried. My mom immediately asked that the ride be stopped (which it was).
It took me longer to recover than it did Nolan.
Being his mother feels like having my heart kneaded on a regular basis.
Nolan is adventurous and messy and wants to figure out how everything works. He tests his boundaries, gives out radiant smiles and the best belly laughs. He loves to work in the garden with Daddy, run-run-run!, sing, play with any kind of ball, and read. He will say he isn't hungry so he can stay outside longer. He. is. FULL of energy.
I kind of like it when I am asked how I keep up with him. It's validating.
(My answer: I played a lot with my diet. I eat a green smoothie almost every day and eat a lot of plant-based whole foods. I am baffled by moms who subsist on processed foods. WHERE do they get their energy?!)
He is my little joy.
Have I said this a hundred times? I would not be surprised.
I do pursue my own passions. I do know I am "not just a mom." All of that.
But, oh, if that boy wants to go to the park, I am out the door.
Recently, I'd had a "touch" of baby fever. We're not ready yet, but that longing was there. When I came back from a recent trip to visit my sister, I felt more...content. Calmer. A little more grown up.
Some of the people I love don't always love to be around each other.
I'm not quite sure where life is headed at the moment and if we'll EVER be ready for another child.
I can live in the tension. And I can do it with peace and joy.
There is so much good in my life.
There are so many honest, thoughtful, LOVING conversations to be had.
There is so much to explore and enjoy with my two best boys.
It's time to celebrate that a little bit more.
Tonight I celebrated my life with a (vegan!) sweet potato cupcake. I might write a list before I go to bed (which should be soon). Simple stuff.
I'm not sure I should even publish this. I mean, there's no neatly tied bow at the end. No measurable goals. But publish it, I will.
Good night to you.
I'd love to hear a bit of your story if you want to share (preferably in person, but if you can't, do share here!)