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Thoughts: how do we make friends?

Posted Nov 17 2013 12:00am

This weekend I went to the baby shower of my friend Susan. We met in high school, 20 years ago in China. We were not friends by then and would never thought we’d be friends 20 years later in another country after both of us living in a third country before coming to the US. And even less to imagine that we’d be married and with kids. Life is crazy or magical.

To my surprise, I found two of my friends in her party. At the end of the party, we were chatting about how we met with each other. Obviously they met each other on my baby related parties and they are now friends too.

It made me wonder as we get older, when we don’t have classmates to make friend of, how do we make friends? Well….. in a myriad of ways. Just to illustrate, here are few friends that I have that are not from schools.

Sarah: we met in our journey to Tanzania. We had a friend in common but we didn’t know each other before the trip. However, after spending two weeks together, 1 of them sharing a tent, conquered kilimanjaro, we became besties. It’s amazing how in just a couple of month, we transitioned from total stranger to become sisters that we share everything about life and talk/write in a daily basis.

Ruwei: we met at work. To be more precise, I recruited her to come to work for my boss. Although she only stayed for 3 months, our friendship continued beyond that. I wish we hang out more often because she is a really pleasant and nice girl. But having Sofia limits my girls’ dates so I only get to see her when I host parties.

Candy: we met through our husbands. Star and her husband will soon work together so we hang out as couple, and I even donated some milk to her 7 months baby.

Claudia: we met at work. I’d say she’s the only coworker that I have as friend outside work. I think friendships in work place is not easy and must be treated with delicacy. Since I don’t want to have to handle delicate friendships I think it’s is better to separate them. However, Claudia is an exception. I like her as person and I enjoy chatting with her. And importantly, I am sure there’s no conflict of interest between us to contaminate our friendship.

I thought as we age, it’s harder to make real friends, I really thought so. But life just taught me that it is not the case, if you have an open mind and receptive, you could find friendship everywhere. However, keeping them are much harder. As every kind of relationship, you HAVE to work to maintain it, you should NEVER take ANYONE for granted. Always be grateful and be kind to who are kind to us. 

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