I am tired of riding the roller coaster of hope and discouragement. I want to get off. Thanks.
I know that soon (in days or even hours) I will receive "unexpected" encouragement and I will feel strong enough to keep going. I will climb to the top and see beautiful things, and I'll suck in my breath like I've never seen anything more beautiful, I'll thank God, and I'll laugh at my shortcomings.
But right now, I'm in the valley, and it doesn't feel good. I know that some people don't like to hear this stuff from me. I'm the one that is "always happy," and cheers them on. But I'm not, and I don't mean to shatter anyone's world when I say that. But I'm entirely human with a full pallet of emotions, and I feel hope, anger, disappointment, joy, and dissatisfaction deeply. I identify with David when he waffles between "life is great!" and "I hate everything." To those that think I am always happy, I show up looking like that because I am in love with the people I am with. That's love you see, not happiness. I suppose they look the same sometimes.
On a whim, I looked through my photos on facebook. It was a good idea, because I was reminded of so much that really matters to me in this world, which essentially amounts to people. It has been said that the most discouraging thing about loving people is people, but the most rewarding thing about loving people is also people. I hang on to the that when I feel really low because it reminds me that all of this is worth it. Sometimes I am told that I should just relax and not let things effect me so much; I disagree. Because allowing my love for people to impact me as negatively as it does also opens the door the same "amount" of positive impact.
It's worth it. I feel better just being reminded of that.