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Then and Now

Posted Feb 13 2013 7:27am
With Valentine’s Day being tomorrow, I thought it would be fun to talk a little bit about my very special Valentine and how we got to where we are today.  You all know him, I’ve mentioned him a few times here on the blog… Mostly as being my personal chef
Jimmy Cookingbut, in case you didn’t know, he is also my fiance.  I wrote about how we met and got engaged already.  You can read about it here , in case you missed it. ;) 20120816-130113.jpg

Whenever I tell people our story I always get one major question.  Why… Why did you only date for a few months the first time around?  What happened those two years in between?  Why did it work now and not work then?

Believe me, I’ve asked myself these very same questions.

I’m huge believer in fate.  I truly do think that everything always works out exactly the way it is supposed to.  I think it was fate Jimmy and I met that day.  We needed to meet in order for our story to truly begin.  The thing is, before it could begin we both needed to be in the right place in our own lives.

Jimmy and I dated for three months.  Most of it was over the phone and weekend visits here and there.  But, three months after we first met we said Goodbye to each other and didn’t look back.  It just didn’t work out, we didn’t fit together…Yet.

Two years later, he showed up.  Randomly.  Out of the blue, but also at exactly the time I needed him the most.  The thing I love most about Jimmy is that he knows, without even knowing, how to make me happy.  How to show up at exactly the moment I need him to, and to put a smile on my face.

I guess I should start from the beginning.  Jimmy and I met about a year after I graduated college.  I had just gotten settled into my dream job.  I had everything I needed and was ready to start the rest of my life.  Or so I thought.. I was graduated, I had my dream job, all I needed to complete my life was a husband to start my family.  Then I met Jimmy.

Jimmy was still fresh out of the Academy and had such enthusiasm about his job.  I remember talking to him and hearing the excitement in his voice as he told me stories from patrolling the streets.  He was living it up in his house only blocks away from the beach.  He would talk about his nights out and his shopping sprees buying Polos and North Face jackets.  I was instantly attracted to him.  He had such charm and we found it easy to talk to one another.  I remember spending hours on the phone some nights.

I also remember after a couple of months trying very hard to push him into a relationship so that he could be the husband I was aggressively searching for.  I remember losing sight of why I was initially attracted to him and started focusing on my main goal.  That was probably the first reason why things went wrong….

During those two years that we were apart, Jimmy and I both had pretty significant relationships.  While, I can’t speak for Jimmy and what happened in his life those two years I can speak for my own.

When Jimmy and I broke it off I was devastated.  I really did like him, but I was still only focused on one major thing, so I moved on as fast as I could.  Within a week I had found someone else who was apparently looking for exactly the same thing I was.  We quickly fell into a relationship and since we both wanted it so bad, forced ourselves to think that we worked as well.  But we didn’t.  After a year and a half I faced the facts and walked away.  I also decided at that moment I wanted nothing to do with getting married.  I felt suffocated and needed freedom.

I spent that summer getting exactly that.  Freedom.  I did anything and everything that I wanted.  I loved not having to worry about anyone else except myself.  I had the best summer of my life.  Then summer ended and I realized that with my new found freedom, I also felt lost.  I didn’t really know where to turn.  In that short summer I had rebounds and heartbreak and I felt like I was going one million different directions.  I needed to slow down, so I finally did.  I took some time to take a look at my life and figure out exactly what I wanted.  With all this freedom I had, I also realized that I wanted a change.  I no longer had the idea of needing to find a family in my head and I suddenly realized that I could go anywhere.  Thus, the idea of moving away began…

It was in that moment that Jimmy suddenly appeared.  This time he was different.  I was different.  We had both grown more into ourselves over the past two years and this time, we did fit. He was no longer buying Polos and North Face jackets (In fact I think I’ve seen him buy 3 articles of clothing since we’ve been together).  He had discovered new hobbies like hunting and fishing and I love watching him learn about these and listening to the excitement in his voice as he talked about them.

I was no longer looking for a husband, but instead someone to just be with.  To have fun with.  Someone that I actually enjoyed being around.  Jimmy was exactly what I needed.  We had fun together.  He taught me how to snowboard , and took me on his boat to go fishing, we took trips to his friends hunting camp where we would hang out and just be together.  He still encouraged me to go out and be with my friends and do the things I loved to do, which is probably what I love most about this new relationship.  I never felt trapped or suffocated.  He allowed me to still be myself, which is what I needed the most.

As you can probably tell, I got over the idea of not wanting a husband.  I guess I never really swore off the idea.  I just wanted to make sure that it was with the right person before I let the idea back into my head.

With that, I can tell you without a doubt, that Jimmy is the right person.  He is everything to me and I don’t know where my life would be without him.  He completes me (cliche, but true).  He allows me to be myself and loves me anyways.  I love so many things about him, it would probably take a year to even explain them all.  He is the one person that I want to be with at the end of every day and I can’t wait to have him with me at the end of every day for the rest our lives…

Happy Early Valentines Day. <3

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