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The Underwear-Skirt Malfunction

Posted Aug 10 2012 7:00am



I’m actually currently en route to Vegas! (Wee!)

So, since that’s the case, I figured I would leave you with a story.

…Psh, and you guys thought that I went a few months without doing something to embarrass myself… if only.

This one isnt quite as bad as my accent faux pas … I mean, at least I wont ever see these people again… hopefully.

And I dont think it will make you guys laugh quite as much as Lindsey’s piggyback-wedding disaster (I am so glad that was caught on video though Lindsey , and that you are kind enough to share it for our entertainment).

Anyway… have you guys ever seen this girl?


Yes, the poor woman walking somewhere with her skirt tucked into her underwear. This is obviously not on purpose and I feel bad for her. And I always kind of wondered, like, "how does that happen?"

Well; wonder no more.

Apparently it happens after you A) go to the bathroom and dont check yo’self before you leave B) are sitting and your skirt rides up or C) you are really clumsy and your name is Andrea.

Unfortunately I an say this from recent experience. It has happened to me a couple times and I have a favorite above-the-knee length skirt that is no longer…It was a repeat offender. I guess that is the ideal length for underwear-skirt-malfunctions.


-(The guilty clothing article, thrown on the floor, ready to go to Goodwill)-

One time, I mooned the highway. I left work to go to the bank and hopped out of my truck and with my door open, reached over to the passenger seat to grab something and felt a breeze. By instinct I reached behind me only to feel bare ass, facing the road. Uggggh. (I was a little really relieved I noticed before I walked into the bank though).

Another time, it happened at work when I got up from my desk, but I noticed it right away before anyone saw (phew!).

And most recently, at a restaurant…

Let me paint you a picture.

Torrance and I went to a nice dinner (a nice, fancy restaurant). I was wearing a super cute outfit, including my favorite skirt, paired with some super cute new heels and I was just feelin’ good. You know when you have a really good clothes day/good makeup/good hair/good boob/no-bruises-on-your-legs kinda day? Yeah, that is like once every two years for me….

Anyway, I’m feelin’ good, ordered some food, drank some wine, the usual. Well, I head off to the bathroom before dinner comes. Go to the bathroom, wash my hands, fluff my hair a little and head out the door.

Well, as I walked the good way back to our table (which will now be referred to as the "walk of shame") I had a couple people staring me down and smiling at me (I had to walk by about 8 tables to ours). I smiled back thinking "aw people here are so friendly" and also thinking how thankful I was that I was having a good clothes/good makeup/good hair/good boob/no-bruises-on-my-legs day, obviously they are noticing.

Well, I come up to our booth (which Torrance was facing the opposite direction) and I turn to put my purse in the booth and then sit down to feel direct skin-to-seat contact. Yes skin, not skirt-to-seat. And right when I registered what happened and before I could say "oh shit" I looked up to see Torrance staring at me all wide eyed and says "I think all of those people just saw your ass!"

And the 70-year-old-woman sitting across from us busted out laughing when she heard him and leaned over and told me "For the record; I was going to tell you right when you sat down!" And then her 70-year-old husband gave me a giant toothless smile and a wink….


And then I had to sit there and eat an awkward dinner near the 8 tables that saw my ass in the really nice restaurant.

And now… my used to be favorite skirt is sitting at Goodwill waiting for a new owner to embarrass, and a new ass to show to the world.


  • Tell me about a wardrobe malfunction you’ve had (or witnessed!)

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