THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH….
Posted Sep 02 2009 12:00am
Hi, my name is Raechelle and I am an alcoholic.
Well-I probably lost at least ½ of my followers with that statement. But that is ok. It was damn hard and I did it-and am pretty much in tears, again-as I write it. But it’s out there-and it’s who I am.
Yes, readers-I am an alcoholic and I have been for many years. I have struggled with this addiction on and off for 15 years. Have almost broke up with John many times over that 15 year period because of it-and may still break up….that is another issue-there are many factors involved here..
The fact is it all came to a head Monday-he found that I had been hiding it from him for almost 4 years now. I needed that. I’m actually glad that it happened.
I have lied to myself, I have lied to him, and I have been lying to everyone-including blogland-by keeping this secret. Many would say I’m a complete hypocrite for writing a fitness blog, telling other people about how to be fit, I think I’ve even written a blog about the evils of alcohol! But-I have been in complete denial to myself; convinced that the next corner will be the last one to pass and I then will quit.
Why am I writing this today? Why am I putting myself out there on the line? Two reasons, one is a step in recovery is admitting the problem and I’ve been admitting it to myself, to John, to friends and family back home-but feel the need to put it here as well-to be honest and apologize. As well as admission, I’m looking into getting help-and well-maybe someone out there has been in this situation-or is going through this and the more doors I have open, to let people in, the more I can help myself. Also, maybe I can help someone else to admit to themselves that they have a problem.
One thing that I have to say is that I truly am a fitness enthusiast-and because of this I think it has kept some of the common other diseases that come from alcohol abuse at bay because of my otherwise healthy lifestyle of healthy eating and regular exercise. Having said that though, it’s possible that some of my ailments, muscle tears etc, could be due to the alcohol.
As I said above, I’m sure many will click off from this blog-and that is understandable. It’s not a fun thing to read about. This will still be a fitness blog-but with more focus now on my journey through alcohol recovery.
So-my plan of attack (I am still a Virgo-so I do have a plan!), well I’ve been doing step one; soul searching & coming to terms with admitting my problem to myself and others. I have quit a number of times over the years-but never really THOUGHT I had a problem-so never really admitted to a problem-and therefore never sought out help. 2-research, research, research…I am learning as much as I can about the disease this time and the various programs available. 3-I will start to attend AA meetings this week-my first one is tonight. 4-I will go to my GP and tell her that I am an alcoholic and that I want whatever tests she feels necessary to see if I have done any unseen damage. I have had liver tests-even one earlier this year, which came out perfectly fine-and I think they would have seen something then-if it’s out of whack-it’s out of whack-right? But John thinks if I tell the GP about my addiction they may look at something else. So-I will do that. 5. I will continue to eat healthy and workout-that will not change. 6. I will not drink today. That is it so far.
If you are still reading this-I hope you continue to follow-who knows maybe you know someone that is having this problem-and maybe eventually I can help them. Right now this is my journey to recovery. If you click off fine-but please don’t leave any nasty comments-I will just delete them anyway. Feel free to ask any questions, I’m pretty much an open book now; but again, please be nice.