Attention! There is a serious infectious disease spreading around the globe. Just when we thought diseases were sneaky with their ability to be passed through the air, blood, water, or through our sex organs – now we have a virus that spreads in the most innovative and deadly way – the internet, as well as through books.
It’s called Scienceitis, a nasty inflammatory disease caused by the Ferrisstim virus. Human antibodies are useless against it because of the virus’s unique ability to produce antibody-destroying substances called 4 Hour Bodies. With the release of all these 4 Hour Bodies, the brain becomes confused, and strange abnormalities in motor function occur that include uncontrollable urges to do pushups against the wall of the men’s room, lift objects at unusually slow tempos, and other peculiar symptoms.
Perhaps the most alarming symptom is the frequent inability to eat a meal without analyzing its nutritional content, assessing its glycemic index and glycemic load, estimating its relative ratios of protein, carbohydrates, and fat, making adjustments depending on whether the meal is being consumed pre or post workout, and needing to take a wide variety of expensive supplements to make sure that it is digested and metabolized in accordance with both blood and metabolic types, and that there are no known substances in the meal that trigger any adverse reactions.
It’s believed based on various clusters that have been identified by the CDC, that this virus is spread in greatest concentration from internet forums, fitness blogs, gym locker rooms, and personal trainer seminars. These are all considered to be very high risk areas for contracting the virus.
Fortunately a vaccine and treatment has been developed. The vaccine, which has proven to be almost 100% effective in the prevention of Scienceitis is the ETF Vaccine. Because of the disease’s strange ability to trigger paranoia relating to dietary choices, the vaccine is commonly referred to as the “Eat the Food” vaccine – as it allows people to eat whatever they want, enjoy their lives, and be relaxed members of society.
For those not lucky enough to receive the vaccine in time, there is a drug that has been developed to treat advanced cases of the disease. The wonder drug, developed by GlaxoSmithKline, inc., is called Fukitol – side effects include increased dietary need for certain substances including saturated fat, cholesterol, fructose, and gluten.
This has been a special news bulletin about this new raging disease epidemic and the best current treatment and prevention approaches known to the mainstream medical field. If you cannot afford medical treatment, you can do a quick home-administered test by walking into your kitchen, eating the first thing that looks appealing, and waiting 15 minutes to see if the word “insulin” comes into your mind. If it does not, you are likely free of the disease – but get the ETF vaccine as soon as possible to avoid this affliction.
Matt Stone, author of 7 books, is an independent health researcher who emphasizes the dangers of dieting and restricted and restrained eating of many varieties. He is the voice of www.180degreehealth.com
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