Eww eww gross, something completely natural that happens to billions of women every day. Grow up. Get out of here with your tampon hate’n attitude. Oh nooo, the place where the miracle of conception happens and where another human being grows….INSIDE another human being. Blerrrgh ugggh vaginas, bluggggh.
Everyone done? We all cool?
Anyway, this isn’t really about riding the red pony (ok, now THAT one was gross). It’s about how your weight, mood and eating habits change. I have been getting my lady friend for 18 blissful years and I have mastered the bi-polar roller coaster that are my hormones.
Lifetime Movies couldn’t write a better way to get your period for the first time like the way it played out for me.
I was 12, in my cheerleading uniform rooting on the guys for Pop Warner Football. I like, totally had a crush on this boy and I was like, so excited he was there. Mom was there, as were all my female cousins. Went to the bathroom with all my little girly cheerleader friends and they noticed some red something going down my leg. ‘OH MY GAWD! DEZ GOT HER PEEEEERIOD!’ I went to tell my Mom, and she was so excited for me, then proceeded to tell ALL my female cousins. Who have the loudest Irish whisper I’ve ever heard, and everyone in the bleachers knew within minutes, which spread like wildfire. And on the bus ride home, like my totally cute crush sat next to me and said ‘Hey, is it true you got your period?’ and laughed and laughed. And then I DIED. Then, I got gigantic boobs overnight. And it was the worst thing in the entire world. Thee end.
Food cravings and things didn’t really hit me until I was in my 20’s. And now, minimum 10lbs of water weight each month and gigantic-er boobs. I’m not really into sweets; I’m a salty snacker which makes the bloating even worse. But the one symptoms of PMS that makes me insane and is the hardest to get over is
Bottomless Pit Day.
It’s usually the 4th or 5th day right before actual lady time begins. Where no matter how much I eat, no matter what I eat, when or where, I will still feel absolutely starving. I usually force myself to go straight home and straight to bed early just to avoid eating. Have you ever heard of a guy who has to force himself to go to sleep earlier because he’s too hungry to function like a normal human? “Soz, Bro. I can’t come out cause I gotta go to bed cause I’m so f***ing hungry!”
Normally, if I just go to bed by 9pm, I won’t stay up all night and just binge on everything. By 9pm, I’ve already done the damage. I guess the good thing about it, is it only happens ONE day during my cycle. But it’s enough to throw me off kilter.
But doesn’t that sound just a little insane?
WHY does this happen?
Well, a few reasons. After consulting with my nutritionist, OB/GYN and Googling like minded individuals… it comes down to a spike in hormones AND nutrients.
This day of insatiable hunger is because progesterone is at its highest, which contributes to hunger levels. It’s not just a trick we play on our boyfriends so we can get away with housing a whole pizza. It’s science, bro. Look it up.
Second, lack of nutrients. I already know I’m iron-deficient. I rarely eat red meat and I rarely eat meat all together. I don’t get a lot of protein, I don’t eat a lot of carbs (bready carbs). Clearly, something is missing by the time I hit the Hunger-pocalyse. I’d eat an entire cow covered in bread by the time I’m in full swing.
Third, a woman’s body is burning more calories come ovulation time. But not much, on average only about 100 calories more per day, which does not justify those 4000lbs of cheese puffs I just housed.
Fourth, I’ve been working out like a maniac again. So I’ve been naturally hungrier without my hormones playing tricks on me.
So with all these factors, no wonder why I turn into a monster. DEZ SMAAAASH!
So my goal was to figure out how to combat my inevitable Bottomless Pit Day, with nutrients and mind games.
1. Water Water Water.
2. Spinach Smoothie for breakfast with protein and flax seed.
3. Taking photos of my healthy food (and not so healthy food) and SHOW it to everyone. I try to be motivational and inspirational, so holding myself accountable is very important.
4. Working OUT. An hour of kickboxing should do it!
5. I ate meat! (Chicken)
Here is what I ate today:
Water, grande pike with half and half, and spinach protein smoothie which consisted of: a bunch of frozen spinach (ran out of fresh), a lil OJ, whole foods chocolate protein powder, flax seed, water.
Clementine. Then I got way hungrier and ate a whole cucumber with non-fat ranch and a cheese stick.
Boloco just added new items to stuff your burrito with! So today I took out the rice and used quinoa instead! Buffalo chicken, celery, hot sauce and… KALE!!! My GOD was it delicious. And, their wraps are thinner (according to their email about healthier options). Normally, I eat half and save the other half for dinner. But again, I was in monster mode and I housed this entire thing.
Snack: ONE mini candy bar….
Ugggh. Ok fine… TWO mini candy cars.
As I was leaving work, I knew I was going to kickboxing and I was already starving (obvi). So I had this:
100 Calorie Fiber English Muffin with a tablespoon of reduced fat Jif Peanut Butter. Normally I eat this for breakfast and it works. But I know if I didn’t eat before working out, I would absolutely go home and pig out. See, you gotta PREP to avoid the rage binge.
After a great workout, I figured I would just have another glass of Spinach protein smoothie and I would be ok.
Post Work Out:
I was not. I was still starving. Notice how my walls are the same color as the smoothie… not sure how I feel about that.
So I had to make lunch for tomorrow and I made a lil extra so I could eat a small dinner
Tomorrows Lunch /Mini dinner:
Shrimp sauteed with shallots, garlic and yellow peppers, lettuce and a 100 calorie tortilla wrap.
Now THAT did the trick. It’s 10pm right now, and I can honestly say I don’t feel the need to eat anymore. Nor will I. My cravings were to get Proscuitto Mac & Cheese from Scollay Square, donuts, 100 mini candies, cheetos, burger for dinner, mint chocolate ice cream, 8 glasses of wine and a block of cheese. All of which I had immediate access to.
It’s a matter of pre-planning. And not just for the days you know you’re gonna want to pig out, but devoting as much time into your meals throughout the week as you do to binge watching Netflix. Well, shit you dont even need that much time. I have two motivators for planning my meals. Number one, I know every single thing that I am eating and no mystery calories. Number two, I save HUNDREDS of dollars a month eating 95% of my meals from home. I know, I did the math. I can spent $200 a month on groceries and never have to buy a meal outside of my house.
I have beaten Bottomless Pit Day!!!!!
And you know what, it was really f***ing hard. It would’ve been so much easier to just eat what I wanted and dealt with the guilt later (because that’s how I’m wired). But I’m kind of tired of that crap. You keep doing what you always do, then you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.