(This is going to be a long one… and a personal one… just fair warning.)
Several years ago, I decided to get healthy…
I lost just under 40 lbs, and have kept it off.
I celebrated each year, on my “Fitaversary” and relished in the pride of keeping up with my healthfulness for another year.
A couple of years ago, in November, I got plantar fasciitis which ended my dedicated running endeavors (not because I can’t ever run again, but because it derailed my streak… what can I say?)… I did a few musicals after that, and as my weight stayed down, I stopped being terribly interested in regular workouts. Not that I don’t understand that they’re important, but I just lost focus, I guess… It became really easy to just feel like, “well, my weight’s the same, so why bother getting sweaty”.
This November, I didn’t celebrate a fitaversary… and I wanted to tell you why.
A couple of months ago, I encountered and faced a new opponent that changed my health game yet again.
After 14 years of constant problems during my monthly cycle, I finally found a doctor who identified by previously un-named problem.
At LEAST 6 million women in the United States have this disease (The Endometriosis Association - www.killercramps.org ).
You may have heard of endometriosis, but you likely have a very foggy understanding of what this condition actually is.
Thousands more are yet undiagnosed, and untreated, (as I was) because many doctors simply are under-educated about this mysterious and complicated disease.
A simple way of describing endometriosis is to say that uterine cells, growing outside of the uterus cause incredible, chronic pain which often accompanies a woman’s period. Symptoms include intense pain during menstruation, back pain, fatigue, GI issues, and in my case, regular monthly fainting spells.
When I finally found my doctor, and found that he was a specialist who not only completely understood how intensely endo had been interfering with my life, but also had a plan for treatment, I was elated.
This fall, I decided to undergo a laparoscopic surgery, which would allow my doctor to excise endometrial cells from wherever they’d been growing in my abdomen.
Anyway, the procedure went well, and I’m recovering nicely. I have three little scars on my abdomen, but I’m sure they’ll fade over time.
I was tended to by my unbelievable selfless husband. Honestly, I can’t put into words how it felt to be so vulnerable to someone, and to trust so completely that they’ve got your back 100%. I have to say that the connection to my hubby was probably the biggest surprise blessing of the whole thing.
The second phase of treatment involves inhibiting my body’s ability to produce the hormones that cause endometrial cells to grow.
This part of the process is a little bit scary, as the medicine carries with it some potentially troubling side effects.
I haven’t decided exactly how candid I want to be about this phase of treatment, because… I don’t know. It’s scary to share personal information. You never know how people will react, what people will say, who will make judgements about your life. And this part of treatment is… complicated. So, I think I’m going to leave it at that for now.
The point is that during this part of treatment, I’m going to have to fight for my health.
If I don’t want to devolve into a pudgy, out of breath, busted up version of who I’ve become, I’m going to have to really work hard…
Because it is SO EASY TO BE LAZY.
So, I hope that this year I’ll regain some of my FITNESS…
I don’t give a crap about my weight. Weight is a ridiculous number, and in my case, it’s virtually a constant. I just want to feel fit again, and feel strong again.
I’m going to be combatting, not only laziness, but changes to my mood and disposition, and the last thing I need is to get all flabby AND depressed.
I’ve had a hard time deciding how to keep blogging.
Truth be told, I love blogging, but it’s hard when what you want to share is really personal. Because you don’t know who’s reading, who’s on your side, and who’s going to give a crap and care about going through your journey with you.
But, I can’t deny that when I’m blogging, I’m distinctly more accountable… and distinctly more likely to keep up with my commitments.
So, I’m going to try. REALLY HARD.
And I hope you’ll be interested in keeping up with my progress.
(Special squishy hugs to my girls, Devon – from “ Confections of a Food Bitch ” and Jessica from “ Let’s Get Fit ” who are two of my oldest blogging buddies. They’ve both posted this week after long absences, and they both inspired me to dust off the old keyboard, put on my big girl panties and share what I’m going through even though I’ve been silent. So, thanks to both of you for the inspiration… yet again. )