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That Time I Became The Weirdo At The Car Wash

Posted Jan 11 2013 10:58am


So, I am kind of a freak about vacuuming. Like I really love to vacuum and I love how clean it makes everything look.

I even spend some random lunchtimes vacuuming out my truck to keep it looking clean.

I have a certain self detail/car wash place that I go to that is right near my work – I like this particular one because the shop vac thing they have there is amazing. It seriously will suck up like, anything it works so good.

And I dont want to get all dramatic here, because I am not usually a paranoid person, but when I am there, vacuuming out my car, I have this weird fear of someone murdering or trying to kidnap me there.

Which, there really is no reason to be afraid because we live in a ritzy snooty area and this detailing place is right on the side of a 4 lane busy main road that runs through our little town, it is right next to a Verizon Wireless store, expensive Italian restaurant, and a cafe. Nothing shady.

But sometimes there are…strange people there, and it is just something about the loud vacuum going while I am leaning in my truck with my back to the outside that makes me constantly look over my shoulder.

If I could vacuum with one hand and hold a gun in the other, I would (kidddddding).

One time when I went there, there was a woman sleeping by the dumpster. Again, this is something you wouldnt usually see in our little town so it was sorta strange. She didnt seem homeless (she was dressed pretty well actually) and she was laying on a little cushy chair thing. Maybe she just needed a nap on her lunch hour?

Needless to say, I parked somewhere where I was facing her and could keep my eye on her, because for some reason something about a lady sleeping by a dumpster makes me feel uneasy. Oh, and when I started up the vacuum, she had the nerve to shoot me a nasty look like how dare I wake her up?

I digress, because this story isnt about her.

Anyway, because of this weird uneasiness I get while I’m there, I often hurry through my little cleaning/vacuuming process. I get in there, throw all my trash out in their little trash bin, do a quick vacuum, do a quick wipe down of my truck, and then get out of there.

Well, yesterday when I was there I was doing my usual hurrying and I did something stupid.

I sucked up my car keys.


How could you suck up a whole keychain, you ask? I have two sets of keys, one big one I just keep in my purse with all my work and other miscellaneous keys (because I hate a big clunky keychain in my ignition) and then I have a small set that has just my truck key and key fab for my autostart/alarm, house key and mailbox key.

Keys (Ignore the tape on the key fab, I drop it frequently and the battery always
pops out so now it wont even hold together)

Wellllllll I always take my key out of the ignition while I’m doin’ my vacuum thing because I cant stand the dinging while the doors’ open. This particular time I threw it in the middle console amidst my hurrying and somehow the super strong vacuum sucked them up.

That is not the first time something like this happened, one time I sucked up Torrance’s really nice set of headphones (the small ear bud style) and couldnt recover them. When he asked about them a few days later I told him that he must have left them somewhere.

Girlfriend of the year award.

Anyway, obviously in this case I needed to actually recover the item since it was my car keys because I wasnt going anywhere without them. And what the hell? The vacuum thing is locked (for whatever reason?)

I had to call my coworker to tell her I would be late back from lunch and gave her a quick explanation (she laughed).

I called the stupid phone number that was on the wall of the carwash for “assistance” but got no where (of course) so I had to take matters into my own hands. Luckily there is a screw driver set in the back of my truck so I sat there and unscrewed the 10 stupid screws holding on the the bottom panel of the giant vacuum. THANKFULLY it appears they had emptied it recently because there wasnt a lot in there.

I made a makeshift glove out of a plastic bag that was in my truck and reached in and dug my keys out, all the while getting weird looks from other carwash patrons.

And since I always feel the need to have to explain myself , even though no one actually asked, I was all like “oh, I just sucked up my car keys when I was vacuuming my truck!….I tried to call the number for help….but…”

Yes, I looked like a jackass standing there in my heels with a plastic grocery bag over one hand and a screw driver in the other digging around in the public vacuum at the car wash.

I guess at least no one, like, called the cops or anything.

Maybe me and the girl sleeping by the dumpster need to have lunch someday.


Moral of story. Dont be stupid.

  • Is there anywhere you go frequently that makes you feel kinda paranoid?
  • Last time you did something stupid in public?

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