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that thing about being your best self

Posted Aug 19 2013 9:44pm

Tim got the job he was hoping for! It gives us a little room to breathe and ask more about what we want for our family and for ourselves individually, too.

"What would I do now if I can do what I want?" is a strange and exciting and sort-of-kind-of terrifying question.

We are settling into our lives for this next bit of time, excited to host more meals, make more connections, be more involved in lives and stories, take time to prepare for a possible foster child, spend more time as a family, all that jazz.

We're not going to be rollin' in dough for a while because I don't need to work and because I want to be home and there are quite a few things my family wants to be involved in that are a whole lot more feasible if I have the hours to make them happen. I'm excited to just be where I am for a moment and be involved in more stories.

I'm happy, but I also feel....weird.

Weird because this simple life of meals and stories and being and sharing is a little bit of what I lost months ago when we had to work more, more hours and I hardly saw my husband.  I already mourned that loss and "got over" it, but now that thing I lost is back, and actually it's better this time because everything really seems to be working out for us right now. I really didn't expect that, but especially because I believe life happens in seasons, I'm just going to be grateful and enjoy it (mostly- I have that whole restless spirit thing going on, so just enjoying is a total practice for me).

Weird because I come from a conservative Christian background, where somewhere along the way, I got the impression that the expectations of a woman who loves Jesus is first and foremost to be Suzy Homemaker- great mom, great housekeeper, great cook- and work was really an afterthought. I thought it was part of how a woman is made or something. I've been on quite a journey (haven't we all?) and I've since come to believe that every single being is made individually, uniquely, which different purposes and talents. I believe the saying that "comparison is the thief of joy" because we all have our own beautiful stories to live out and not someone else's. We are not cookie cutter beings.

I thoroughly believe that everyone should explore their own unique make up and then embrace it. That includes jobs (paid or unpaid), hobbies, and generally how time is spent. I am spending a lot of time "at home" (I use that term loosely because some days I am hardly at home at all) because it seems to fit who I am and the interests of my family best during this season of our lives, not because it is what every mother should be doing. But because of the assumptions I carried with me for a long time, it feels like my actions might be suggesting otherwise.

I just want to shout from the roof tops:


We need a world of best selves.

I firmly believe that.

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