First off-thanks again to all the Face Book birthday wishes! It was a nice day-though rather subdued. We don't usually do much for birthdays anyway-and of course this year-well, naturally was even less celebratory; however, I did get a nice spa mani/pedi done and John sent me a nice e-card and cut some flowers for me. We will go out to dinner in the next week or so for a combined birthday celebration since his birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks.
So, yes, today makes day 10 of no alcohol. Which is good, but not particularly grand in the whole scheme of things. The fact is, in the past I have gone months without drinking. For me, the true test will be when John goes out of town for a trip he's been planning for a couple of months. This will be a good chance for me to prove to myself that I have the power to resist the cravings. Over the last week I have felt a certain empowerment that I have never felt in the past when I've quit drinking. Some of which comes from the freedom of having the weight of secrecy lifted off my shoulders, some comes from the massive amount of support I have received from family, friends and strangers alike. Some comes from my renewed meditation. Some from the research I've been doing. All of this combined has really buoyed my strength and confidence as well as my conviction to never drink again.
I know I have a long ways to go. I have already felt certain "pangs" of craving...I have thoughts, but quickly observe the thoughts and over ride the thoughts with "NO, I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN." The benefit of Buddhist meditation is in learning to observe the thought even analyze it-and not simply act on it. I do believe it is what is helping me.
The other thing that is definitely helping is simply being honest with myself and others about times I did simply act on the cravings in the past. And it goes way back. When I sit and think about it-I realise I started having a problem over 20 years ago; I've been on a merry-go-round ever since...stopping for a while coming up with excuses of why I had done it and convincing myself and anyone else that it was a phase so starting again-over doing it quitting again...on and on. It is time to get off that merry-go-round for good....it just makes me dizzy! :-)
So, today is going to be a good garden session-still lots of culling to do! The shed is getting built-we just need to get a carpenter in here to work on the garage-our friend that was going to do it got a hernia so we have to find someone else-it's a real shame because he does awesome work! So onward! Oh-and I will not drink today!
First off-thanks again to all the Face Book birthday wishes! It was a nice day-though rather subdued. We don't usually do much for birthdays anyway-and of course this year-well, naturally was even less celebratory; however, I did get a nice spa mani/pedi done and John sent me a nice e-card and cut some flowers for me. We will go out to dinner in the next week or so for a combined birthday celebration since his birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks.
So, yes, today makes day 10 of no alcohol. Which is good, but not particularly grand in the whole scheme of things. The fact is, in the past I have gone months without drinking. For me, the true test will be when John goes out of town for a trip he's been planning for a couple of months. This will be a good chance for me to prove to myself that I have the power to resist the cravings. Over the last week I have felt a certain empowerment that I have never felt in the past when I've quit drinking. Some of which comes from the freedom of having the weight of secrecy lifted off my shoulders, some comes from the massive amount of support I have received from family, friends and strangers alike. Some comes from my renewed meditation. Some from the research I've been doing. All of this combined has really buoyed my strength and confidence as well as my conviction to never drink again.
I know I have a long ways to go. I have already felt certain "pangs" of craving...I have thoughts, but quickly observe the thoughts and over ride the thoughts with "NO, I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN." The benefit of Buddhist meditation is in learning to observe the thought even analyze it-and not simply act on it. I do believe it is what is helping me.
The other thing that is definitely helping is simply being honest with myself and others about times I did simply act on the cravings in the past. And it goes way back. When I sit and think about it-I realise I started having a problem over 20 years ago; I've been on a merry-go-round ever since...stopping for a while coming up with excuses of why I had done it and convincing myself and anyone else that it was a phase so starting again-over doing it quitting again...on and on. It is time to get off that merry-go-round for good....it just makes me dizzy! :-)
So, today is going to be a good garden session-still lots of culling to do! The shed is getting built-we just need to get a carpenter in here to work on the garage-our friend that was going to do it got a hernia so we have to find someone else-it's a real shame because he does awesome work!
So onward! Oh-and I will not drink today!