Eagleman is in 10 days. And I’m heading way down to taper crazy town.
Let’s start with the fact that yesterday I sat at my desk all day too excited to sit still. What was I looking forward to? A measly 80minute brick. But omg. I couldn’t wait. I needed the endorphines and the exhaustion. I was too excited and jumpy to be productive. I was doing tricip dips in my desk chair. 6 or 7 or 8 hours of training a week is just. not. enough.
And then I have this text convo with my coach after I see his projected finish times for Eagleman.
Me: A 1:40 marathon? Yea. I want to do that. But I just don’t think that is an option…Given my bad history with this race, I’ll be happy to finish in under 5:10″
Coach: So be happy with 5:10, but don’t be surprised if you go faster. I want you to go in with the attitude of just killing it. Like nothing can stand in your way.
Me: I do think running sub 1:40 is an awesome goal for Augusta, though.
Coach: We’ll see how it goes.
Any normal person would read that last comment as “I think you can do it at Eagleman, stop trying to sell yourself short”
But me? I was like “wtf does that mean? Does that mean he thinks its ridiculous that I would even think I could ever run a 1:40 off the bike? Oh god I suck. I suck. And I’m going to bomb. And I suck and I’m stupid for thinking that I don’t suck. I’m always going to suck and I’m never going to be good and I suck. I suck.”
I managed, after 10 minutes of meltdown, to talk myself back of the ledge, considering my coach was the one who first planted the thought that I might be able to run 1:40 at Eagleman. So of course, his “we’ll see” is meant as “you might surprise yourself at Eagleman.” But…that was not after I chased the “you suck” ball down the rabbit hole for a good 10 minutes.
And you know that taper feeling when you are just feeling sluggish and like a giant and like you’ve gained 50 lbs? Yep. That’s where I’m at. And my race isn’t even for a week and a half.
The worst part of racing is, without a doubt, the taper.