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Posted May 06 2009 10:33pm
I use as many opportunities as I can to remind my girls that sometimes we don't get what we want.

Although... we usually get something better later.

I'm not trying to be negative but I want to raise children who understand that sometimes you have to roll with the tides in life. There is a plan and sometimes, we don't always have a say in it.

Sometimes they handle these lessons fine. Other times, when they want something really bad, they pout, stomp their feet or throw a little tantrum.

Lately I've been feeling a little angry too.

I've realized that I'm angry at God. And it's me who's pouting and throwing a tantrum.


I don't have much patience with people in my life lately.

It seems that so many in my life are too... flighty. They'll say one thing and then won't come through. They'll offer help and then " Oops! I forgot!". Or they want to see me but "My husband doesn't want me to go out."

I get it. My life and my stuff isn't what's most important to them. I completely understand.

But this is why I won't ask for help.

I guess I get tired of being let down.


I don't want to date.

I have so many in my life that are curious about my "love life". When I tell them that I'd rather stay home and snuggle in bed with a book, they're all surprised.

Yes, I'd like a relationship. But I still have to get over the last one. I'm sorry that it's not happening fast enough.

Believe me!


I suppose that I'm pissed that things with Soldier didn't work out the way I thought they should.

After being surrounded by soldiers last week and a sweet, loving newlywed couple, I've been feeling down since then. And I just don't have anything to give... to my friends, to other people in my life, much less to the whole dating thing...

A Course in Miracles asks: Would you rather be right or happy?

I will stop my pouting and tantrums soon. I know it will pass.


Ironically, I'm enjoying the emails and comments on my masturbation contest.

As I've said before, sometimes when I get restless, either masturbation or meditation helps me. Right now, I'm pure ego, completely of-the-body.

So, I'll go with it.


Even more ironic than that, is how much being around my children is helping me.

Usually, when I am in this restless place, I am a horrible mother. I have no patience. I just want to be alone. I don't want to do anything with them.

But lately, I am just relishing in them!

Maybe a week away in Europe did me some good after all.

They both seem to have grown up a little while I was gone. And the things they say! They're just so making me laugh...


The girls and I are all in dire need of haircuts.

The last time we all went in, Grace perked up when the stylist asked if she wanted bangs. I said no. She looks cute with her little bob and her hair all the same length.

After I made our appointments with my stylist, I told them on the drive home from school today.

T: Ok girls. I made an appointment for us to get our hair cuts on Saturday.
Grace: Yay! Mommy can I get a bang?

So, um, yeah. I guess she's getting bangs this weekend. I can't wait to see her cute little face!


Rose is reminding me more and more of a little "t" every day.

Last night while walking through the grocery store, she was talking about her week at Grace's preschool. Rose's school was closed this week due to the swine flu scare.

Mom, there are several boys at Grace's school who are trying to impress me.
T: (stifling a giggle) Oh really?! So... are you impressed?
R: Not really, no. I mean, they're like 4 and I'm like 7.


So, I am embracing my angry, silly little angst right now. I am celebrating how I can't seem to get any satisfaction from anything or anyone right now. I fully accept that I need people in my life to step up because I'm too tired to reach out. And I am going to enjoy masturbation month to the fullest extent!

I'm also remembering that I'd much rather be happy in life than always getting my way.

Because I can't see further than the joy that's right in front of me.
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