Taking a nose dive.

Hey sweetpeas,

As you may be aware from my lack of posting, things have taken a nose dive recently in my life. I hate to say but I’m almost becoming depressed. Now, I don’t like admitting depression, because I truly believe that although it is a clinical illness, it is self-imposed and the more you think of how depressed you are, the further down you will get into it. I am determined to come back from this dive because life is too short to dwell on the bad. I just need some space and time.

I guess the extra stress of things have taken their toll on me. My life currently is very much full of uni work and I feel inferior to my fellow coursemates, I am struggling to see me being able to complete one module in particular, which is of course my dreaded module involving producing a garment. Me and pattern cutting/sewing are not best buddies. And right now, this is the one that I see being incomplete, leading to utter failure. But in the meantime, I am attempting to get there by spending my life in front of my enemy…

And when I’m not in front of this machine. I’m in front of another.

I don’t think I have ever been this excited for Christmas in all my life.

Another issue adding to my low mood is I am currently going through a phase of binging. There I said it. I’m not perfect. Every night I am currently overeating. Eating a batch of muffins in one go, topped with half a jar of peanut butter, a box of cereal, shovelling dried fruit, several protein bars and anything I can get my hands on, into my mouth. I am disgusted at myself. And I know I’m doing it. And I do it until my stomach physically hurts. Until it’s bloated like a pot belly pig that I can’t even move. It feels out of control.

So there you have it. Some healthy living blog I am.

And top this off with an injury that I’ve had for a week and a half now…

Yeah, look at the size of my ankle. Nice. I can’t even walk without hobbling like a granny. Even just walking across the room is an effort. I got this because of a bloody blister on my other foot that I got whilst running. Meaning that because the blister hurt, I put too much of my weight on the other foot and bam. It flares up. Because my body is smart like that and loves me dearly.

So after a week of no exercise with binging, I was going insane with gaining weight. So I decided to take up the bike the last couple of days.

The one machine that I hate. And I hate doing it for an hour. But I feel like it’s the only option with the way that I am right now. And the weight gain continues anyway. So I’ve been crying and crying at myself every night. And everyday I call home in tears. I don’t mean to upset my family and they don’t know what to do because it’s all up to me.

So there you have it.

Things will get better I know they will. I don’t want to live my life in despair but I guess I’m not coping too well right now. But I’m determined that things will get better, because when I’ve had this determination before, they have. It’s all about your frame of mind and if you want something, you can get it.

So please bare with me my lovelies. Things will be back to normal soon But one thing that did cheer me up yesterday was a package I got from the gorgeous Kaila .

Cinnamon and PB Puffins, Roasted chestnuts, mango slices, Blueberry Muffin Larabar, 3 fruit bars, Luna protein bars, Luna bars, Clif K Z Full Moon Brownie bars, Koh-Coconut water

This girl knows me too well! I love absolutely everything!! I had asked to try the Full Moon Brownie bars as they are a seasonal bar so I hadn’t tried them and oh my god. They are amazing!! I was also glad to try the only flavor of Luna bar that I haven’t tried: White Chocolate Macademia and it definitely one of my faves along with S’mores and Peanut Butter Cookie.

Thankyou so so much sweetie!! <3

I shall be back soon my lovies. Things are looking up after uni…I’m off to NYC on the day that I finish and then it’s Xmas woohoo!!