My son is home right now laboring away to complete his summer reading and summer math packet. We were away for vacation (a conference for me) and I’ll reflect on aspects of that over my next blogs. But I’ve been up since early this morning with anxiety revving me up about his unfinished projects, so this is where my thoughts are taking me.
How could he have the whole summer to finish projects and still be slaving away the day before school? My daughter’s work is finished (and she’s the younger of the two). That should remind us about temperament and different work styles among individuals.
I can’t completely fault my son. He probably got some of his procrastination tendencies from me. I try to stay on top of things now, but I can remember as a student working up until the last moment to get work done. There is a quote I remember reading that what bothers us about others is often something that we don’t like to face about ourselves. So when his procrastination tightens my nerves, I need to take a deep breath and focus on my own habits. Focus on what I am teaching him with my actions and not with my words. I also need to remember that each of us have our own approaches to life.
I know that some of my anxiety is watching him get his work done. But is there an element because it reminds me of difficulties in organizing everything in my life? I might not be behind on my summer reading, but I do operate with too many piles in my house. I need to be aware of my reaction because my level of frustration with him could be related to my frustration with myself.
I also need to look at what I’m teaching my children about organization and work habits. Writing this, I know that I’m going to have a long weekend getting the house organized as school gets into official swing. As parents we need to demonstrate and provide a holding environment for our children to learn, this is how to prioritize, this is how to parcel out work, this is how to delay the gratification of fun summer reading and get that report written. It is not what we say, but what we do that our children and others notice and learn from.
Finally, I need to understand that we each have our own styles and temperaments. This is often important within families and can sometimes be part of what escalates problems. I have seen families in which parents are more outgoing. They have a hard time understanding their quiet child. Sometimes difficulties can escalate because of differences in approach—what a parent sees as constructive suggestions; a child can see as criticism and can wilt under the pressure. Styles within families may need to be adjusted so that individuals can work together to support each other.
So—
What bothers you about other people in your life? Journal about it—could it possibly relate to something that you are having a hard time accepting about yourself?
What are you teaching others through your words and through your actions? Are you demonstrating the same thing or something different? If we say that everyone should have the ability to express her opinion, but then talk over someone when she is trying to communicate, what are we really demonstrating? Maybe journal, using two columns,what I sayandwhat I do, are they the same or different?
Within your relationships, are there differences in styles and temperaments? Do issues arise because you’re more organized and someone else isn’t? Are you buoyed by loud chaos which seems to bother another? Journal about your family and times that disagreements or discord arise. Are individuals approaching issues with different styles and perceptions? Is this affecting expectations and interactions? By understanding people’s different temperaments, we can work to understand our own reactions, our perceptions, our expectations.
So go Write On! (And don’t leave it for the last minute.)
How could he have the whole summer to finish projects and still be slaving away the day before school? My daughter’s work is finished (and she’s the younger of the two). That should remind us about temperament and different work styles among individuals.
I can’t completely fault my son. He probably got some of his procrastination tendencies from me. I try to stay on top of things now, but I can remember as a student working up until the last moment to get work done. There is a quote I remember reading that what bothers us about others is often something that we don’t like to face about ourselves. So when his procrastination tightens my nerves, I need to take a deep breath and focus on my own habits. Focus on what I am teaching him with my actions and not with my words. I also need to remember that each of us have our own approaches to life.
I know that some of my anxiety is watching him get his work done. But is there an element because it reminds me of difficulties in organizing everything in my life? I might not be behind on my summer reading, but I do operate with too many piles in my house. I need to be aware of my reaction because my level of frustration with him could be related to my frustration with myself.
I also need to look at what I’m teaching my children about organization and work habits. Writing this, I know that I’m going to have a long weekend getting the house organized as school gets into official swing. As parents we need to demonstrate and provide a holding environment for our children to learn, this is how to prioritize, this is how to parcel out work, this is how to delay the gratification of fun summer reading and get that report written. It is not what we say, but what we do that our children and others notice and learn from.
Finally, I need to understand that we each have our own styles and temperaments. This is often important within families and can sometimes be part of what escalates problems. I have seen families in which parents are more outgoing. They have a hard time understanding their quiet child. Sometimes difficulties can escalate because of differences in approach—what a parent sees as constructive suggestions; a child can see as criticism and can wilt under the pressure. Styles within families may need to be adjusted so that individuals can work together to support each other.
So—
So go Write On! (And don’t leave it for the last minute.)
Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.