Warning. Another feeling post. Geez I am quite emotional this week aren’t I?
Thank goodness for this blog. It is a public diary essentially and I love sharing my stories with you. I want to thank you for coming every day to read what I have to write about. Today I feel like a defeated soul. I am sad, upset, shocked, and maybe a bit humiliated.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post about this because it has to do with my job at the gym but I needed to vent. So I wrote this on facebook :
“Guys, I’m raging. A really upsetting thing happened at the gym today and I am nearly in tears. No, no one died. But it made me wanna quit. And it takes a lot to make me wanna leave something I love for the purpose of principle. I guess I will be blogging about it tonight :(“
Tonight was my last Bootcamp class at the gym. You know the one I rave about every time I get back..”BEST CLASS EVER! Wish I could kick your booties in person!” I was told last week that another instructor would be taking over. I was really devastated last Friday when I found out. It actually ruined my whole day and I ended up going to sleep REALLY early (like 7pm) because that’s what I do when I feel like my soul has been sucked away and my baby has been taken from my womb. And it wasn’t because I couldn’t fill the class or anything, trust me, it gets packed each time, but for business-related reasons…
So tonight, we shared our last set of tuck jumps, bicep curls, lunge pulses, shoulder presses and then it was over. This Bootcamp class energized me so much. For those of you who take or teach Group Exercises classes, you know what I mean when I say…you can walk in feeling like poo and then you forget everything because you’re surrounded by motivating people, such a nurturing environment and thriving CONTAGIOUS energy!! You get a good sweat in and you love every second of it somehow :) I always forget why I am down after a good class. I owe my positivity to my classes and the awesome students that make my job so much fun. Close friends have told me that I get cranky when I don’t teach for a while.
So anyway, when my students found out that tonight would be my last Bootcamp, they were outraged and got together to create a petition to save my class. Full on with signatures and everything! It was really sweet and it touched me so much. You guys are the best :) We shared our goodbyes for a while, and then I went to stretch with a friend afterwards.
That’s when the reason for this post begins.
All of a sudden my manager storms up to our mats in the center of the gym and says “What’s the deal with this petition on my desk?” We both looked bewildered because he actually wasn’t joking at all. I explained that my students wanted to voice their opinion so they made a petition is all. He then started laughing. The kind of laugh that makes you feel like a stupid child. He said that it was inappropriate and unprofessional and that I need to handle the situation like an adult. We were like what?? My friend said that my students made that because they wanted to show how much they love the class. He laughed more. My self-esteem started to break down. He said that the petition was absolutely silly. My heart started beating faster and faster. He shot down everything we tried to say and laughed some more. We couldn’t even finish our sentences. He kept chuckling under his breath. He made me feel like I was worthless. He made me feel like I was the one who planted the petition…The blood boiled to my face and I finally said, “STOP LAUGHING AT US. WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT US?”
Then he turned around and walked away.
Unprofessional am I? Hmm how about we talk about this in your office, not in public in the center of the gym, and how about you respect me a little?
I was so shocked. My heart sank so low I didn’t even know what to do. So I just sat there. Dumbfounded. I felt humiliated, disrespected, and unheard. I thought a manager would be happy to have someone who is so in love with her students and whose students love her back just as much. Isn’t that what Group Fitness is all about?
I mean, even if he didn’t like the petition, which I know is a stand against his power and decision-making, I think the situation should have been dealt with very differently. He could have said, “Hey, can you tell me more about this petition?” or “Let’s talk in the office.” Not what do you think you’re doing.
And now I feel really uncomfortable. REALLY uncomfortable. I know I will feel uneasy walking into the gym tomorrow to teach my Pilates Sculpt class. I feel like my heart will stop beating and I’ll stop breathing if I see him, even from a distance. I’ll feel judged. Outcasted. Bullied. Hated.
Guys, I’ve never ever ever felt so low at a place I like to call my second home. I love the gym. I love the people, and I love fitness. But tonight made me want to quit so bad. I don’t want to be around negative people and people that make me feel like sh**. Especially when those people, or person in this case, is someone you should be looking for guidance from. Sorry for the bad language. But that is how I feel.
But I am not quitting.
Because you know why. I have too many people there that do appreciate me for what I do. And I owe it to them to stay and do what I love. I owe it to me too. And so 1 class is gone. I still have 2 more there. As scary as it will be walking into class tomorrow, it will be ok after I step into the safety of the group exercise room.