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Stalling

Posted Apr 26 2013 9:53pm

I've been stalling tonight.

I've been rifling through pictures and updates while my mind isn't really on them.

You know, it's hard to come here and write because there is so much I don't even know how to say?

But I feel like there is so much potential in my life right now. I really can't exactly see where I am going, but writing helps me hash it all out.

Typing is faster than words.

Feedback is (sometimes) helpful.

So, here I am.

Writing quickly (all that stalling means I should be in bed by now), feeling pulled to document a few of these moments.

Nolan is in bed, and I miss him. He slept through much of the morning before I went to work. I wasn't ready to leave when the time came, and I didn't get home until close to his bedtime.

I really, really like my job. I want to stay there as long as I can.

But I do miss my son sometimes. I wave and say, "bye, Baby, I'll see you later." He gives me his biggest smile and waves. He's happy to be with his grandparents or his dad.

It's just me. It's me whose heart feels like a rock sitting on the bottom.

That's how love feels to me sometimes.

I don't know how to describe how that's not a bad thing.

It's just not.

It feels like what beauty might feel like.

Or something like that.

Right now, I know I need sleep. I worked out this morning, hustled my butt at work, wrangled a cranky kiddo, and he'll be up around 6 tomorrow morning.

And I'm going.

It's just that, I often find myself wanting time to myself but then I miss my favorites when I get it. I end up stalling and not really paying attention to what I have right now.

I'm getting a bit more time lately.

That's why I'm here.

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