Hi! I have been MIA from the blog world for a few days… I wish I could say it was because I was consumed with super important stuff and didn’t have the time to blog, but that is not the case. This is a long post, I know, but I have a LOT goin’ on upstairs so bear with me, k? :)
It’s sort of just been the same old thing over here… you know, another day another dollar, right? The truth is, I have been incredibly low energy lately.. I mean sure, lack of sleep is what made me almost pass out at my desk in a big pile of drool yesterday, but in general, I am just spent. Of course I still had the energy and motivation to make green oats yesterday though. Nothing can keep me from green oats… if it does, well then something is going terribly, terribly wrong.
I have been trying to wrap my head around all this negative thinking that has been going through my mind this past week. But more on that in just a bit… let me catch you up first!
Here are some things that happened over the last few days while I was wallowing in crapativity:
Andrew and I planned a trip to ARUBA!!!!! We are going in November and I couldn’t be more excited! I have never been to the Caribbean so this will certainly be an adventure. We are staying in a super nice and SAFE resort :)
Bought myself this awesome and delicious liquid calcium supplement that I am trying to get in the habit of incorporating into banana ‘soft serve’ for a nightly treat.
They were good… but not as intensely crackly like the real deal. I found these cheap at Whole Foods!
FINALLY made it to the physical therapist! I learned SO much about my body. It was very, very cool. I learned that the left side of my pelvis is tilted backwards which shortens my left leg and that my left calf muscle is 4 cm smaller than my right calf. YIKES! Apparently my left leg is MUCH weaker than my right which is a major factor in my Tibial stress fracture . I learned exercises to get my pelvis back into alignment and exercises that will strengthen my left leg. I am so pumped about getting my leg back in shape and ready to RUN :)
Light Cranberry Lime Frozen Margaritas
- 10 ice cubes
Throw all these ingredients and blend! Add more ice, lime juice or Truvia to bring to your desired taste and texture :-D
I don’t know why I am posting this but a few nights ago Andrew had his friend Dennis over. It was a super late night and we ended up ordering
Last night after work I had decent work out at the gym: 30 minutes hard work out on the elliptical and 30 minutes fast walking on an incline on the treadmill… no running for a few more weeks! AHHHH!!! I came home shorty before Andrew left for Jiu Jitsu and ended up making this huge mega salad for myself. It had trader Joe’s baked tofu, sautéed broccoli, iceburg lettuce, baked dried snap peas, black olives, yellow bell pepper, red onion, salsa, Romano cheese and various other dressings and condiments ;) Oh, and that green sludge on top of the salad is wasabi. I LOVE wasabi and will put it on anything. Enjoyed with a glass of Trader Joe’s organic Sauvignon Blanc. Booh yeah! I scarfed that sucker DOWN! The salad I mean ;)
Alright! Onto what has been going on in this brain of mine over the past few days:
I have let myself get in this yucky funk and I have had a difficult time turning my frown upside down ;) God, I can be such a dork sometimes haha But it’s true… it’s so easy to spiral downward into negative thinking: “I look awful in this”, “I don’t make enough money”, “I will never be able to afford to go back to school”, “I can’t do anything good enough”, “I eat too much”, I don’t work out enough”, “Maybe I think I look better, sing better, cook better than I really do”, “Maybe I am not as nice as I would like to think”, “Maybe I am not as good of a person as people think I am”, “I am selfish”, “I am a failure”, “I will never pay off my debt” and so on. Pretty negative, huh? Doesn’t leave a good feeling that’s for sure. What amazes me is that I know inside, these things are not true.
But did you read all those negative words? “Failure”, “Never”, “Too Much”, “Not good enough”, “Selfish”, “Awful”… all these negative words have powerful impacts on our minds when we think them… even if they are not true. When we start using positive affirmations like “I am successful”, “I am happy”, “I am beautiful”… your mood will eventually shift. It’s not easy but I promise it works wonders!
And it’s not just the negative thinking, it is a state of mind. It’s a state of mind that blows anything even slightly ‘negative’ out in my life out of proportion. It makes me forget that I, just like all of you, am unique and my goals are a work in progress. It exasperates road rage in commuter traffic, shortens my temper and patience in long lines at Trader Joe’s or when people don’t answer their phones, spawns jealousy instead of happiness for runners enjoying an exhilarating run outside because I cannot run now. This state of mind separates me from the rest of the world as though everyone is against me and I for some reason need to defend my every action, my every word. It turns conversation and what should have otherwise been a healthy debate into heated discussion and arguments. It disables my ability to open up to people, let them in and make new connections. I rush through conversation as though I want nothing to do with it or the person. I am more apt to blow off plans and hibernate at home. It stomps on my motivation. It makes it more difficult to go to the gym, sing, create new recipes, or meet friends out for drinks. The glass isn’t even half empty, it’s empty. Who wants to be around that let alone LIVE it?
This is not me. I know better than to let this happen. I like to think I am inherently incredibly positive. I understand that to get what you want you have to MAKE it happen. I believe anything is possible if you really want it. I love people, making new friends, long conversations, being an ear or shoulder for those that need me. I love to laugh and Andrew’s humor is one of the many reasons why I feel in love with him. I have a lot to be thankful for. I truly, truly do. So why then, has it been so easy to let this negative state of mind take over?
I am a perfectionist at heart. I set very, very high standards for myself. Perhaps these standards are sometimes too high. But I like to push myself. If I don’t push myself, I won’t know what my limits are. And to me, there should be no limits. The possibilities should be endless.I have a tendency to quickly spiral into negative thinking when something doesn’t work out the way I want it to. Like how my stress fracture has stopped me from running for the time being in a season where I have multiple races lined up, many with my Sister, a busy schedule that keeps me from working out one day, unexpected bills and unexpected zits, losing my favorite necklace, forgetting to buy onions for a recipe… all ofthese things are minor. Really they are so minor.. like small, insignificant blips in my life that I will get over. But my narrowed perception has made me react disproportionately.
Negative thinking is a habit we all sometimes fall into… some, more often than others. It is a thought pattern that has to consciously be broken. It narrows the mind and does not allow us to see the big picture. It makes us dwell on small things we cannot immediately change. We all have doubt and want confirmation of our abilities, our looks and our actions. It is human nature. What I know I need to change is my perception of myself and those around me and the way I react to negative perceptions. Perception change is the more difficult part, but changing my reactions and actions are the first step. The goal is to control those thoughts, be more reflective and turn them back around to positive thinking in order to pursue, act on, and succeed in my goals . Positive thinking will draw people to you and open up possibilities. Plus, it will smack that gorgeous smile right back on that face of yours! I like to say “Fake it ’til you make it!!!” this is SO powerful. It sounds silly and cheesy sure, but negative perceptions are just that… perceptions. If you think yourself into positive thinking, pretend you’re happy, force yourself to slow down, stop and reflect on what REALLY is going on, see the BIG picture and talk with people, meet friends out… eventually, I find I get myslef recharged this way…. I get myself back in line with my values and positive thinking.
Sometimes you just need to laugh at yourself like I did while having this conversation with my Sister on Gchat this morning:
Sam: How’s work?
Gross right? hahah but I totally laughed at myself! :-D
This is my me and my Sister Samantha in Arizona a few years ago when I lived in Tucson. LOVE LOVE LOVE Tucson! Sam is a runner too and will be running the B.A.A half marathon October 9th! I signed up with her though I will sitting this one out because of my leg… but I will be there to cheer her on! SO proud of her! :-D She can always snap me out of a negative attitude!
Whew! Thanks for bearing with me guys! Thank God it’s Friday, right!!!?? This weekend I have two wine tours to give, an Indiana Jones movie marathon to attend that Andrew set up (so he and our friends can ‘study’ their Halloween characters. Not kidding) and besides that, total relaxation in this insanely gorgeous cool and non-humid weather!
What are your weekend plans?
How do YOU relinquish negative thinking?
How do you feel about Vitamin fortified Vita Rocks?