I actually had a really great day at work, despite running into a little midday food crisis (saved by an emergency KIND bar delivered by a friend ). We were pretty busy which kept me running around all afternoon but I was kind of in my element. To top it off, one of my favorite patients was on the schedule which always makes for a good day. And even though I had a mountain of charts on my desk and multiple clients to call after I finished seeing patients, it was the kind of day where I left the clinic feeling happy and satisfied with my job and all it’s little nuances.
As great as it was, today was kind of bittersweet for me because I’m going to be leaving my current job in just under two weeks. I had mentioned having a big decision to make on the blog a few weeks back but I didn’t really want to go into any detail until it was official. Well today the new doctor who will be taking over my position when I leave accepted the job offer and tomorrow I’m signing my contract with my new employer. So I guess it’s pretty official.
Another reason I haven’t talked about it is that I’ve been really back and forth on my decision and I was a afraid if I said something and then changed my mind I’d come off feeling like an idiot. In fact, even though I feel in my heart it’s what’s best for me right now I’ve kind of dragged my feet all along the way (hence why my unsigned contract is still sitting in my work bag). The thing is, I’m not leaving my current job because I’m unhappy. I’m actually really happy in a lot of ways which makes this decision even more difficult. There are a couple solid logistical reasons for my leaving – the distance is one huge factor, I currently commute about 45 minutes each way which is a lot when added on top of a 10+ hour day – but as I’m becoming more and more comfortable with my decision I’m also starting to recognize that something deep inside is telling me it’s time for a change.
On one hand, it feels crazy because there are times when I think I couldn’t have a more perfect work situation – I love my coworkers and I feel so safe and comfortable in my work environment. It’s been my first and only job out of school and it’s kind of where I’ve ‘grown up’ as a veterinarian so to speak. But on the other hand, I’m excited about the idea of starting a new venture, learning new things and even just a change of scenery. Truthfully, I’m not really sure I’m ready to leave the nest but something deep down is compelling me to make a change. I kind of have to go with my gut on this one.
As someone who finds the unknown really scary, I’ve had a lot of anxiety moving forward with such a big change (read: waking up several mornings in a row in a minor panic attack) but it’s getting a little easier as time goes on. That being said, I still have a lot of concerns.
- What if my new coworkers don’t *get* me? I’ve said it already but I love my current coworkers. We seriously have the best dynamic and we really are like one big happy (albeit slightly dysfunctional) family. I’m kind of worried that I’ll feel like a fish out of water at the new place. Not to mention, I’ll really miss seeing my work family on a daily basis. Today, while I was working on a patient, one of my technicians was telling me about a conversation she’d had with one of the other doctors about how he was going to miss me when I leave and I started crying right then and there.
- I have an intense fear I’m not going to be able to practice medicine to the current standard that’s been ingrained in me over the past four years, particularly when it comes to client relations. I really don’t have anything to base this on other than the fact that I’m leaving a smaller practice to go into a slightly busier, corporate-associated one which is a little bit scary for me. While on one hand I’m excited at the idea of seeing more patients, I’m hoping I’m not so busy that I feel I don’t have adequate time to spend with each patient and in the exam room going over procedures with clients. Like I said, I really have nothing to base this on it’s just one of the many ‘what ifs’ that has occupied my mind
- I’m really going to to miss being referred to as ‘Dr. Kristi.’ At my current clinic we all go by first names which to be honest I found to be really lame at first but it’s really grown on me. There’s nothing I love more then walking into a puppy vaccine appointment and hearing a client shout excitedly, “There’s Dr. Kristi! You love her!” Warms my heart every time.
- What if I don’t love my new boss? Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure I’ll definitely *like* him but I really have a soft spot in my heart for the boss I have now. I feel like he took me under his wing as a newbie and as strange as it may sound I really look up to him as kind of a father figure in a lot of ways. He’s taught me so much and has been so kind and understanding about my needing to make a change that every time I’ve been around him since I put in my notice to leave it breaks my heart a little and I have to stop myself from bursting into tears.
- I think I’m going to miss my clients (and of course their pets) the most. Over the past four years I have really accumulated some of the absolute best clients and it’s been really tough to have to start saying goodbye to them. I actually got a little choked up today when I was informing one client that I would be leaving soon. As someone who got into veterinary medicine more for the animals than for the people I’ve actually been surprised at how interacting with clients has become one of the most enjoyable aspects of my job.
Overall I’m trying to remind myself to keep the big picture in mind and that all of the little fears and worries that pop up when making a big change like this are completely natural. Saying goodbye to my old job and all that goes along with it over the next couple weeks is going to be really, really hard but I’m also excited (and nervous!) for the challenges that lie ahead of me. I know that ultimately pushing myself to change and to grow is going to be a good thing for me no matter what the experience and the future holds.
So, there it is. Thanks for *listening*
Hope you’re all having a wonderful night and I’ll see you tomorrow!
A little something to discuss:
When is the last time you felt compelled to push yourself to make a change? Did it turn out better or worse than you thought it would?