There- I said it.
I run outside or I run on my treadmill at home. Period.
Why was I scared?
First, I worried that I wouldn't understand how to operate a treadmill that was different from my own.
What if the display didn't make sense? What if I had to ask someone for help?
Too mortifying to imagine. Best to stay home.
Then I worried whether or not I look weird when I run.
On the home treadmill this is not a concern. My family already understands that I'm a little weird and they love me anyway. Out on the road I figure that drivers only see me for a moment and therefore do not have enough time to dwell on my weirdness.
Then I worried that I would be annoyed.
(this is the only one that is still with me a bit)
The last time I tried to lift weights at my gym, too many people felt compelled to talk to me. I had my headphones on, I was concentrating on my form. There was really no need for that guy to say, "Smile! You don't look like you're enjoying this!". (annoying) I also had a printed workout with me. There was no need for that other guy to suggest that I might like to try the machines. (annoying)Go away- I'm trying to work out here!
So, I told you about the demise of my treadmill in this post .
Since then, Ken & I have been on the lookout for our next one. There was no hurry- we were having a mild winter and I was doing a lot of running outdoors.
But in January the weather got cold and icy. I don't run outside in that weather. You can call me a wimp if you like. The truth is that I'm a klutz. I can fall over nothing... ice is not my friend. And I'm a pianist. If I fall and break a wrist, I'm out of work for awhile. Sorry, I'll wear my wimp hat proudly and not take chances.
I concentrated on weight lifting (at home, of course) and exercise DVDs. I walked the puppy a lot, I swam and I was fine. But last week it hit me- I missed running. I needed to sweat like crazy and only a run was going to do the job.
I decided that my fears were just dumb. I blog about raising a healthy family. I encourage my friends to get moving all the time. I have finished 5 half marathons. I tell my daughters, "Be who you are. Be awesome." And then I'm worry that people at the gym might judge me if I take walk breaks?
(I do. There's nothing wrong with it. Disagree? I don't care.)
So I loaded up my iPod with podcasts and music. I grabbed my Kindle and headed for the gym.
I picked a treadmill on the end of a row. I figured there was less chance of people trying to talk to me there.
It took me awhile to figure out the display, but I did it.
And I ran.
I did thirty wonderful minutes. And I remembered what I love about running.
My mind wanders. I think about nothing and everything. I didn't stop to care that my face turns tomato red. If anyone looked at me, I didn't even notice. I was reconnecting with my run and it felt great. I even took a moment to take an unflattering picture of myself just for you.
By the way, I used to be afraid to have my picture taken without makeup on.
These days it's no big deal. I even show them to you here. It's very liberating.
My fears will not stop me from doing what I love.
So that's my theme for this month. I will not allow my fears to get in the way of my happiness.
Care to join me?
What fear is getting in your way right now?
What will you do today to push it aside?