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New year, new you, a new approach to your relationships

Posted Jan 22 2013 8:17pm

In this series of posts I’m talking a bit about starting a new year and the hopes and aspirations many of us have for change. Looking at ways you can make some of the changes you might like to without crashing and burning or taking things to the extreme. I’m a big advocate of a softly, softly approach, small experimental changes that are limited in scope so as not to overwhelm.

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Maybe your resolutions are to do with food and exercise or maybe they’re style or relationship related, no matter, we’ll have a chat about all of these things and look at ways to set ourselves on the right course for 2013. You may already have made your resolutions; you may already have broken some of them, no biggie. Let’s regroup, reset and get on a better path.

In case you missed it I covered food here and your body here .

Few things in life are as important as the connections you make with other people. While good food and being physically active can have the most obvious effect on your wellbeing, your relationships are also super important. They have a huge effect on where your head’s at and how you feel about yourself and your place in the world.

We all find ourselves at one time or another facing conflict in our relationships. Sometimes the cause seems really unfair and that we’ve been seriously undermined or hard done by. How we choose to deal with these situations and the people involved is entirely up to us and there is power in that. Choosing to carry grudges and feel self-righteous because of what they did to us is ultimately self-destructive. We get to be right but we never get to be happy. A better alternative is to choose to forgive and let go. Rise above the situation and leave the past behind. You don’t even need to tell the person you’ve forgiven them, it’s for you and will help you release and do away with the anxiety and hurt you feel inside.

Friendships can be our most enduring and important relationships. We can live without many things in life family, lovers, children but we actively choose our friends. The friends we choose afford us a great opportunity to look at ourselves and the areas in which we might need to grow, we can learn so much about ourselves by looking at our friendships. Sometimes we need to better acknowledge our friends, or we may need to forgive them. Appreciate and respect your mates and enjoy them for who they are.

One thing I’ve learned that I think can be really helpful in finding love and intimacy is to release your old habits and patterns. These are often destructive and learned over a lifetime. If your influences in life equated love with pain/angst/hardship then that’s what you learn to seek. Until you let go of these thoughts you will be unable to make your own choices. You can learn to refuse to think negative thoughts and re-train yourself to be more open to new ideas of what love is and what you want from it.

Fear in your relationships can be a very destructive thing. Emotional fears sadness, loneliness and anxiety amongst others can take over in our lives and relationships and become the dominant feelings. Fear is a lot like forgiveness in that the key to achieving a better situation for yourself is in letting go and not giving your fears the weight and importance you have done in the past.

Loving yourself can do amazing things to your life. Having great respect for yourself and gratitude for the wonder of who you are body and mind is such a healthy thing. Not feeling good enough interferes with your decision-making process and you can’t make good decisions about anything in your life when you’re not sure about yourself. The belief that we’re not good enough is often at the root of our problems. When we love and approve of ourselves completely, the good and the bad, we can begin to change anything and release other people’s (often perceived) opinions of us.

Good luck, be sure to let me know how you’re going or if you’d like me to clarify anything. Next week we’ll cover Style.


I’d like to thank the wonderful Louise L. Hay for her wise words and inspiring my thoughts on this topic.

Leave a comment and let me know what relationship changes you’re making in 2013.

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