The beginning of a relationship can be a very illusory time when, out of our need to find someone special who will love us, we overlook the flaws and red flags which crop up, hoping that they are minor blips on our radar screen which will prove insignificant as the relationship evolves.
This is a mistake. When we see the handwriting on the wall, we should not let our loneliness and our need for nurturing and love, get in the way of reality, which is that the person we are enamored with is presenting a facade, a mask of perfection.
Over time, as the facades and masks are removed, we discover who that person really is, with all their emotional scars and character blemishes. We discover there are real problems with compatibility and long-term joy, love and satisfaction.
Eventually, one of two things happen. We either break up, deal with the grieving and the loss, the anger and the resentments. Or we stay with that person and suffer a relationship of disappointment and unfulfillment.
In either case, we are left with unhappiness and the awareness that we have wasted a tremendous amount of time barking up the wrong relationship tree. In either case it occurs to us that had we not done the “head over heels” maneuver, oblivious to the mistakes that can occur when we do so, and had we not swept the warning signs and red flags under our emotional rug, we wouldn’t be in the position we find ourselves in.
So what do we do? When we meet someone new, we must allow ourselves time to truly get to know the person behind the facade before we commit our heart and hearth.
We must be willing to look at the concerns that crop up and we must communicate them to our partner, and see if there is room for compromise and resolution. If our partner gets defensive and angry, unwilling to own or even look at what we’ve brought to the table, it’s time, right then and there, to get up from the table, and move on to the next buffet.
As painful as it is to move on from a relationship that could be so great “if only…”, it is necessary that we do so, in order to avoid wasting our time, energy and other resources.
We must have the courage and the strength to move on and look elsewhere, despite the loneliness we experienced prior to the recent magic and despite the efforts that we’ll have to put into searching for someone new.
If we do so, the pain and loss of the current relationship will be minimized, and the potential to find someone else more appropriate and long-lasting will be greatly increased.
CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG AT:
http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/
Copyright © 2010
Walter E. Jacobson, M.D. . This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact legal@walterjacobsonmd.com so we can take legal action immediately.
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The beginning of a relationship can be a very illusory time when, out of our need to find someone special who will love us, we overlook the flaws and red flags which crop up, hoping that they are minor blips on our radar screen which will prove insignificant as the relationship evolves.
This is a mistake. When we see the handwriting on the wall, we should not let our loneliness and our need for nurturing and love, get in the way of reality, which is that the person we are enamored with is presenting a facade, a mask of perfection.
Over time, as the facades and masks are removed, we discover who that person really is, with all their emotional scars and character blemishes. We discover there are real problems with compatibility and long-term joy, love and satisfaction.
Eventually, one of two things happen. We either break up, deal with the grieving and the loss, the anger and the resentments. Or we stay with that person and suffer a relationship of disappointment and unfulfillment.
In either case, we are left with unhappiness and the awareness that we have wasted a tremendous amount of time barking up the wrong relationship tree. In either case it occurs to us that had we not done the “head over heels” maneuver, oblivious to the mistakes that can occur when we do so, and had we not swept the warning signs and red flags under our emotional rug, we wouldn’t be in the position we find ourselves in.
So what do we do? When we meet someone new, we must allow ourselves time to truly get to know the person behind the facade before we commit our heart and hearth.
We must be willing to look at the concerns that crop up and we must communicate them to our partner, and see if there is room for compromise and resolution. If our partner gets defensive and angry, unwilling to own or even look at what we’ve brought to the table, it’s time, right then and there, to get up from the table, and move on to the next buffet.
As painful as it is to move on from a relationship that could be so great “if only…”, it is necessary that we do so, in order to avoid wasting our time, energy and other resources.
We must have the courage and the strength to move on and look elsewhere, despite the loneliness we experienced prior to the recent magic and despite the efforts that we’ll have to put into searching for someone new.
If we do so, the pain and loss of the current relationship will be minimized, and the potential to find someone else more appropriate and long-lasting will be greatly increased.
CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG AT:
http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/
Copyright © 2010 Walter E. Jacobson, M.D. . This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact legal@walterjacobsonmd.com so we can take legal action immediately.
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