Look, I know how it sounds. I know there are people out there who have struggles with weight that are much bigger than mine. But I am having serious issues with myself and how I feel about my appearance, which is affecting me greatly. I get so upset about it and then resort to eating to feel better. Then, I feel even worse for having eaten so much. It’s spiraled out of control. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have said “OK, this is it. It ends here.” Or “I’m going to try this diet” and then a week later I have totally forgotten about it. I even gave up eating in between meals for Lent. I have been doing perfectly fine with that, at school, which is huge. BUT I make these little rules for myself like “Oh, well that doesn’t count because it’s technically my snack which is attached to my lunch/dinner/whatever.” THIS IS IT. I made a promise to myself, and one to God for that matter when it comes to Lent, and I’m going to do it.
Yesterday was a DISASTER.
So it begins today.
My friend Stephanie, from Stephanie Inspired , who inspired me to start writing, has always been big into Weight Watchers. Now, I don’t know too much about it. My schedule is CRAZY. I can’t even imagine actually joining, even though I know it would be helpful. But I did find this website that helps you calculate how many points you should have a day, according to the Weight Watchers program.I get roughly 20 points a day. Although I think it’s more like 21. Anyway, better to be lower I guess. I started off the day FINE.Had my yogurt and granola – 3 pointsLunch – 6 pointsClementine and some fruit – does this really count? I’m not sure. Maybe one point?THEN I BROKE DOWN….and had what started as a “bite” of trail mix. Ok well then I had several more bites – 4 points.Dinner – 6 pointsTotal: 20 pointsOk so even with the breakdown I was at 20. I just don’t get what my problem is. Why did I just HAVE to have the trail mix? Now for my challenge…going to trivia night in a few with some friends. At a place where there is food. And I’m sure people will order the delicious, greasy appetizers there. Which I am envisioning in my mind and drooling over. God, will I always be hungry?! Well, wish me luck. My journey starts here and it is one where I just CANNOT succumb to eating that nonsense.