Let me just preface this by saying that a) this is going to be short because I have to change and leave within 20 minutes and b) I am a dreamer. I am aware my ideas sometimes seem absurd and far-fetched and maybe irrational. But.... Alyssa comes over tonight. We have plans to make cookies. I've set out books full of stories and books full of activities, paper, colored pencils, and my ratatouille coloring book. I plan on swinging by my parents' house to pick up Disney movies. Alyssa will probably make up games for us to play. And we will laugh a lot. I adore Alyssa. And Michelle. I am in love with the whole Koller family.
This fall was terrible. Actually, I am crying right now just thinking about it. And somewhere in the mess, in the tears and runny noses and cried-on sweatshirts, I saw that the Kollers are my family. I feel just as tied to them as I feel to the Lauterbacks or the Pulizzis. And I cried harder.
My desire to be close to the Kollers (to my family) is intensified. I crave time with Stacey and Kevin, Michelle, Ann and Eric, Alyssa, Krissy, Kathy, Debbie..... And this crazy baby fever that it seems I always have is subsided because I have Michelle and Alyssa, and intensified because I want to bring new life into the world, because I want Michelle, Clint, and Alyssa to be close with my children.
I love the Kollers. I am one. And love is the most painful thing available on the planet and the most rewarding.