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Juice Cleanses Don’t Make Sense in My Brain

Posted May 06 2013 2:34pm


Now, I’m sure there are a lot of you who have tried juice cleanses. Some will defend them until the end. Some want to try them, some are doing them right now.

Do whatever you want. It’s your body.

But for me, it doesn’t make sense to buy hundreds of dollars of juice  for 3 days to do something your body was made to do naturally.  Sure we all may have less than perfect functioning organs, or we lack certain nutrients. But that is what food is for. As a human, digesting solid food is a fantastic way to…. oh I don’t know….stay alive?

Some scientific studies have already proven, juicing does not contribute to weight loss. It does, however make you drop water weight and decrease bloating. That is until you eat solid food again.

Juice diets do prevent your body from going into a state called ketosis, he says. Ketosis means your body has no carbohydrates to burn for energy, so it has to burn stored fat or whatever else is available, he tells WebMD. “You feel bad, even smell bad. That’s what makes you feel like hell during a [water-only] fast. But is that because the toxins are coming out? No! You’re going into ketosis. It’s known physiology.

A lot of the claim is to ‘detox’ your body. That while your body can rid of most toxins naturally, the excess gets stored in fat. The claim is while the  fat is mobilized, anything that is fat-soluble should be mobilized, too.

Our bodies naturally detoxify every day. Detoxification is a normal body process of eliminating or neutralizing toxins through the colon, liver, kidneys, lungs, lymph glands, and skin. Just as our hearts beat nonstop and our lungs breathe continuously, so our metabolic processes continuously dispose of accumulated toxic matter. [ Linda Page, ND, PhD, a naturopathic doctor, lecturer, and author of the book Detoxification]

Ok, science stuff is over. But there is more evidence that juicing is NOT the way to go.

Let’s talk about the ever popular Master Cleanse, which is different than juicing, but sounds just awful.

  • 2 tablespoons fresh-squeezed lemon juice
  • 2 tablespoons grade-B organic maple syrup
  • 1/10 teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • 10 ounces filtered water

To me, that doesn’t sound like it’s going to give me the energy I need to kick some ass in taekwondo. Nor is that sustainable amount of energy. Now juice cleansing should not be confused with protein shakes/drinks. Which I wholeheartedly support. I put full veggies and fruits in a blender, add some soy milk or greek yogurt and flax seed, put in some organic protein something powder or whatever it is. And drink that shit for breakfast or before I work out. OR right after a late night workout

But, I do eat food throughout the day. Real food. That was alive once…and now it’s dead and I’m gonna eat it (although, meat has not been in my diet recently, but that’s another post).

Big problem for me is I hate eating breakfast, or anything for that matter before 1pm. So one way for me to make sure I’m getting some sort of nutrients are these protein spinach thingies. Also, another bad habit I have is when I get home from training around 11pm and I am starving and want to eat all the things.

The real message is:  There is NO easy fix to losing weight and being healthy. No.Easy.Fix. It is legit, straight up  hard work where you eat a bunch of veggies and shit, run, sweat, kick, punch, bike real real fast until you feel like you’re gonna die. And you do that like….every day. Go to the doctors, get your insides checked. Gotta take some supplements? Sure, why not (just make sure pills aren’t your meals).

Let me just help you figure out some more shit:

This magical powder will make you eat less! – Nope. What is this Narnia? Eat some fugg’n broccoli.

Only 30 sit ups a week will give me flat abs. – Nope. Unless you’re one of those bitches I hate who only have to breathe to get a 6 pack.

Only eating 600 calories a day, I’ll lose weight SO fast! – Yes, yes you will. And then you will die.

My friend told me she lost 10lbs when she did a juice cleanse. – That’s great. Ask her how long that fantasy lasted.

These new shoes helps me sculpt my buns! – No, making sure you don’t fall down in those shoes helped you sculpt your buns. Also, squats…do them. Like 300 a day.

Master Cleanse helped Beyonce lose all that baby weight. – No, Beyonce having a surrogate carry her baby helped her lose all that baby weight.

Superbowl XLVII - Baltimore Ravens v San Francisco 49ers  - Mercedes-Benz Superdome

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