Tonight we are headed out to dinner for Chris’s sisters birthday. Her choice of restaurant is Applebee’s because that’s what she wanted. I remember the last time i was there was roughly 2 months ago for Chris’s dads birthday. I remember ordering a salad even though i really didn’t want one. . . .
At that point in my life, i had been through the diet ringer. 7 years of failed attempts to lose weight continued to take a huge toll. Fail at this diet, cut out this food group, exercise more, maybe i should try being vegan or raw, perhaps a cleanse will put me on the right track blah, blah, blah. My obsession consumed me and was not letting me live my life. The scale was what told me I should have a good day, they way my clothes fit on me dictated my moods. I couldn’t remember a day when my food and weight obsession DIDNT bother me.
That night we stopped at barnes and noble for the heck of it. I of course ran over to the diet section and perused around. I’ve seen everything before, and really was hesitant to buy anything that day, especially after wasting money on a salad I didn’t enjoy. But something told me to pick up this copy of Intuitive Eating. I really didn’t leaf much through it, but something told me to just buy it anyway . . . Something intuitive inside of me perhaps?
I got home and started reading right away. Immediately all I could think of was how crazy it was to read word after word and have so many things just click and ‘a ha’ at once. It was as if this book spilled out all of the dirty tricks, secrets and mind games I kept all inside my head for years.
Since then I am glad to say, my obsession with food and diets has been turned around SO much. I’ve learned a ton of things that are helping me dig out of this hole i have been in for 7 years, and i feel better about myself then I have since i cant remember. I feel so much more comfortable being my true self, not hiding anything, and really have started living my life.
I do however, struggle with many things. I look at the past 2 months as just scratching the surface of what i still must learn. One of the reasons I started this blog was so that I can document my thoughts and feelings about intuitive eating as well as the many other aspects of life that fixing your relationship with food unfolds.
For now though, here are just a few of the main important things i have learned, and the things i am still struggling with . . .
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED SO FAR
- You can not lose weight to love yourself, you must love yourself to lose weight.
- Your body’s internal wisdom which has always been within, is the only thing you should listen to. It knows what you truly want, how much and when to stop . . . this doesn’t stop at food!
- The only thing that food cures is hunger, which means that any time you are eating without being hungry, you are hungry for something else whether it be a cure from boredom, loneliness, a distraction from stress, attentio, ect . . .
- There are many things that your relationship with food is connected to, many positive and negative issues will arise once you clear your obsession and start living. It is so so so important that you FEEL YOUR FEELINGS!
- I am not alone. I cant tell you how liberating it is to know that there are so many people that have not only lived through this, but were open enough to share their stories. You are why I am inspired to share my journey.
THINGS I STILL STRUGGLE WITH
- Accepting my body the way it is NOW.
- Distinguishing sugar cravings for food and real cravings for food. Is it my body or the addiction to sugar talking?
- Putting labels on food. Good, bad, healthy, junk?
- Putting labels on myself! Am I a healthy eater? Am I a vegetarian? Am I a clean eater? . . . Who cares?
- Finding exercise that I love enough to be consistent with.
- Emotional eating, or eating when I am not hungry
I am still learning and I am still struggling to find a balance for it all and there will be many more posts on this topic. I can honestly say though, that buying that books is one of the best things I ever did for myself. And tonight, even though I don’t enjoy Applebee’s very much, you can be sure that I will be ordering exactly what I want . . . . And enjoying it