I haven’t been myself lately. But I’m working on that stuff. In my never ending streak of bad luck, I seemed to have been neglecting something… my appearance. Sure, I know how to get dolled up when there is an event or going out with the ladies. But during the every day coming and going, work and life, running errands, I looked like I didn’t care. Which I didn’t.
Last year, I was at the hair salon every two months. I got my nails done every week. I made sure I always smelled like cookies (Vanilla), I bought clothes throughout the month and I had them tailored, kept my makeup fresh (Sephora, not CVS). I wore heels often and dresses. I cared. I was happy and I took care of my appearance, for me and me alone. I’m not saying everyone needs to dress to the 9′s and only care about the outside, this is not the message at all. But what you put forward in the world is a reflection of how you feel on the inside. You can dress and look anyway you want, but if you’re not happy – it absolutely shows. I don’t want to have angry bitch face forever. If you can’t care about yourself, how can you expect to care for someone else?
My budget got a lot tighter, so the first thing to go was my beauty regimen, and I was ok with that. So I started coloring my hair myself and go in for cut. Learning how to do my own nails, go back to CVS, shop thrift stores. Money was not a variable when it comes to caring about your appearance. You just work with what you have.
But then it just all stopped. I just looked like shit. Because I felt like shit. Because I looked like shit…. you get where I’m going with this?
I wore wrinkly clothes and most of the time, not clean. I stapled my hemline instead of getting it tailored. Wore safety pins everywhere. My shoes literally had holes in them. My jacket, ohhhh my faux leather jacket that I love so much, was ripped to shreds but I wore it anyway. My mother and my grandmother both hate the jacket, and told me I looked homeless. I shake hands a lot during work, so I usually like my nails to look presentable. I just stopped altogether. Chipped polish, biting my nails. I had officially achieved the outside matching the inside. ‘I don’t care’. Which sends the wrong message in many areas of life. I don’t want that vibe at work, or on grad research projects, dates, friends events or dinners with family. I look like I didn’t care. Not about you, not about this, not about them and certainly.. not about me. And that is not how I want to go through life. Because I do care for my friends and family so much, and I’m tired of neglecting the important things I need to work on.
It sounds so very first world problem: ‘waaaah, I’m not getting my hair done so I hate myself!‘ Nope dummy, thats not my story. I went/going through a tough time and I gave up. It was obvious even at first glance.
I do care. I’m not the giving up kind of girl. Enough of the Sad Sally act. Time to get it together.
I picked up a 2nd job not too long ago, and I did some freelance work. I had some extra pocket money and I put it towards moi. I got my nails done, hair dye, new makeup, new shoes and a new outfit… and a burrito. I’m a thrifty gal: CVS, Payless, H&M..and Boloco. The total was less than $90!