Wow. I get a lot of email messages a day, but one that I received today really hit home. Helen Kirwan-Taylor, a freelance writer, has written an article for WebMD entitled “ Are You Too Sensitive? ” As I read through the article, all I could say was “Oh My God – that is so me!”
I started doing some soul-searching just within the last week, in fact, on this very topic. I evaluated some patterns in my life, such as the inability to get along with others…..probably why I enjoy being a freelance writer so much is that I spend much of my day alone. I actually considered purchasing the book “How to Get Along with Difficult People”, not because I thought others were difficult, but I thought it might give me some insight as to why I couldn’t seem to survive in a group for longer than a couple of weeks without completely losing my mind.
I decided that I was just a basically shy person and I should be okay being an introvert and having only a close group of friends. I decided that while this was an okay feeling, I would still work on bettering my intense anxiety that occurs in social surroundings so that I wouldn’t alienate or offend those around me. But then I read about “Highly Sensitive Personality” and as I mentioned, this really described me so closely that I felt like I was looking in a mirror.
According to the article, a highly sensitive person, or HSP, react to what might even seem like a straightforward statement. “It’s like they’re wearing an extra pair of glasses,” says Elaine Aron PhD who wrote a book about the subject. When I feel threatened, I respond with hostility, another characteristic of the disorder. I personally can take a benign statement from my husband, such as “Did you do the laundry today?” and in my head, what I actually perceive him to say is “Are you ever going to get off your dead a** and do some work around the house?”
She also says that the HSP brain is “always looking for rejection” and the sufferer is afraid of being herself, thus avoiding some personal relationships. I had chalked this up to social anxiety, but it seems there is another piece to the puzzle. Dr. Aron finds that HSPs protect themselves by withdrawing or attacking. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve run away from a situation after feeling devastatingly hurt. When I can’t run away, I lash out. Both behaviors exacerbate the condition further.
Of course, as an HSP, I am interested in learning how I can better cope with my condition so that I don’t become “that person” who can’t keep a relationship going strong or it starts to interfere with things that are very important to me.
The author writes that we shouldn’t write off HSPs as neurotic, weak or thin-skinned. I think this pertains to the HSP him or herself as well. Accept what God made you. You are not weak, just different. And actually, you aren’t that different – Dr. Aron believes that about 15 to 20% of the population feels the same as you do.
She says that stimulants such as noise and caffeine are better avoided, as are stressful situations where one feels out of control. Be selective with your surroundings and with whom you spend time with. Myself, I’m going to minimize relationships with people who are at the opposite end of my spectrum, meaning those who say anything they want without sensitivity because they don’t feel the hurt themselves. However, for relationships that you care about, clear the air when something occurs that hurts your feelings instead of letting it fester.
Stress management behaviors such as exercise, yoga, meditation, and cognitive therapy can help as well.
The main point of the story is, don’t be ashamed of who you are. Some things come more naturally to others as we are all individuals. But, that doesn’t mean resist change either, particularly change for the better. We are only here for a short time; let’s enjoy each minute we have doing what we love and being with those we love –without fear of rejection.
“Just living is not enough,” said the butterfly, “one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower.” ~Hans Christian Anderson
Wow. I get a lot of email messages a day, but one that I received today really hit home. Helen Kirwan-Taylor, a freelance writer, has written an article for WebMD entitled “ Are You Too Sensitive? ” As I read through the article, all I could say was “Oh My God – that is so me!”
I started doing some soul-searching just within the last week, in fact, on this very topic. I evaluated some patterns in my life, such as the inability to get along with others…..probably why I enjoy being a freelance writer so much is that I spend much of my day alone. I actually considered purchasing the book “How to Get Along with Difficult People”, not because I thought others were difficult, but I thought it might give me some insight as to why I couldn’t seem to survive in a group for longer than a couple of weeks without completely losing my mind.
I decided that I was just a basically shy person and I should be okay being an introvert and having only a close group of friends. I decided that while this was an okay feeling, I would still work on bettering my intense anxiety that occurs in social surroundings so that I wouldn’t alienate or offend those around me. But then I read about “Highly Sensitive Personality” and as I mentioned, this really described me so closely that I felt like I was looking in a mirror.
According to the article, a highly sensitive person, or HSP, react to what might even seem like a straightforward statement. “It’s like they’re wearing an extra pair of glasses,” says Elaine Aron PhD who wrote a book about the subject. When I feel threatened, I respond with hostility, another characteristic of the disorder. I personally can take a benign statement from my husband, such as “Did you do the laundry today?” and in my head, what I actually perceive him to say is “Are you ever going to get off your dead a** and do some work around the house?”
She also says that the HSP brain is “always looking for rejection” and the sufferer is afraid of being herself, thus avoiding some personal relationships. I had chalked this up to social anxiety, but it seems there is another piece to the puzzle. Dr. Aron finds that HSPs protect themselves by withdrawing or attacking. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve run away from a situation after feeling devastatingly hurt. When I can’t run away, I lash out. Both behaviors exacerbate the condition further.
Of course, as an HSP, I am interested in learning how I can better cope with my condition so that I don’t become “that person” who can’t keep a relationship going strong or it starts to interfere with things that are very important to me.
The author writes that we shouldn’t write off HSPs as neurotic, weak or thin-skinned. I think this pertains to the HSP him or herself as well. Accept what God made you. You are not weak, just different. And actually, you aren’t that different – Dr. Aron believes that about 15 to 20% of the population feels the same as you do.
She says that stimulants such as noise and caffeine are better avoided, as are stressful situations where one feels out of control. Be selective with your surroundings and with whom you spend time with. Myself, I’m going to minimize relationships with people who are at the opposite end of my spectrum, meaning those who say anything they want without sensitivity because they don’t feel the hurt themselves. However, for relationships that you care about, clear the air when something occurs that hurts your feelings instead of letting it fester.
Stress management behaviors such as exercise, yoga, meditation, and cognitive therapy can help as well.
The main point of the story is, don’t be ashamed of who you are. Some things come more naturally to others as we are all individuals. But, that doesn’t mean resist change either, particularly change for the better. We are only here for a short time; let’s enjoy each minute we have doing what we love and being with those we love –without fear of rejection.
“Just living is not enough,” said the butterfly, “one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower.” ~Hans Christian Anderson