Girls feel a sense of competition with other girls – as in ‘my partner did THIS for me’. And no one wants to be left out in the gaggle of women in your group as the one who wasn’t spoiled.

And single people are almost relieved they don’t have to deal with it. Upset that they don’t have a valentine or secretly wishing they could partake in such a secret club of holidays.

Admit it, at one point in your life (guy/girl single/taken) has had a fantasy about their ideal Valentine’s Day. And that is totally fine. How can we not buy into it? Since December 26th, red hearts and pink flowers are rammed down our throat to prepare for the next big consumer surge.

But I made up my mind a long time ago, to make Valentine’s day my own.

I’m going to break it down. First, talk about the history of Valentine’s day. Second, compare it to other holidays. Finally, tell you why you’re stupid if you’re still stressing out about it.

1. History:

* One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. {source}

* Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl–possibly his jailor’s daughter–who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today.

* During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine’s Day should be a day for romance.

All heroic and romantic ideas. It is historic and personalized and more importantly… thoughtful.

2. Other Holidays:

I have never hated Valentine’s day. Ever. I was single all through highschool, I was single most of the time through college and when I was in a relationship, I didn’t hate it then.

A few reasons I’ve some across as to why people hate this day.

Reason #1: It is too commercialized.

No one is forcing you to buy anything. You need to figure out your partner better. Just on a personal level, I do LOVE cards. But does your partner even like flowers and candy?

We’re no strangers to being forced into buying things for holidays. Ever buy $500 worth of food/favors/fireworks for a 4th of July BBQ? Ever spent over $1000 on presents for Christmas? Ever spend $600 on hosting a Thanksgiving party with matching table settings and delicious food? How about Anniversaries? I have. Many times. But why, WHY does Valentine’s day get the shit end of the stick…this is the day people decide to put their foot down.

Answer: Because those other holidays are meant to be enjoyed in large groups. They’re often expensive, takes weeks of preparation and we take part in them because……everyone else does. SURPRISE!!!! Sounds a lot like Valentines day, amiright? But why not take the time to devote that much attention and care into essentially, the most important relationship in your life? Your parter. That you chose at free will. Will you only make a spectacle if it yields a large return on investment, a.k.a attention?

Reason #2 “Well Valentine’s Day is a made up holiday. It’s suppose to be about love and romance and spent for loved ones!”

Sure. Just like how Christmas was supposed to be honoring the birth of our ‘saviour’ and going to church. Last time I checked it has morphed into parties, presents and spending time with aggravating family members. And Thanksgiving is certainly a holiday we should not be proud of celebrating, but we do anyway.

Reason #3 “Why should you be forced to express love on some random day when you can show someone you love them the other 364 days of the year.”

In regards to 4th of July, I am fairly patriotic which is why I love hosting BBQ’s. How often do you celebrate your country the other 364 days a year? Even if you do go to church on Christmas, and boast how it is a religious holiday, but do you go to church year round?

Life happens. Kids happen. Tragedies happen. Work & School happens. We can’t show our appreciation for our loved ones as often as we should, and it kind of sucks actually. Yes, we’re SUPPOSE to, but sometimes we just don’t. V-day is just a reminder to take a little time out of your hectic busy life and stop and smell the roses with your little shmoopy. Some years, one day might be all you get as a reminder of the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, you should always remember that you love them, but between bills and dog food and groceries and in-laws and parent teacher meetings – taking that little extra time to hit a refresh button on the loveliness of it all is really nice. Where you can just forget for one day that anything is wrong, and just focus on that special guy or gal that gives you butterflies in your stomach if you just had the time to feel them.

#3. Why You’re Stupid If You’re Stressing:

Get off your high horse about how holidays were originally intended to be celebrated. And from the history I presented earlier, V-Day is not made up by the greeting card industry. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Grandparent’s Day were…..

Valentine’s Day is really the one holiday we have that celebrates love. We get a day off for remembering presidents, countless days off for recognizing wars and conflicts, hell we even get two days off to celebrate stealing land and killing people. But how jaded have we become that we cannot cherish a true gift such as love. One frig’n day a year, and people will shout and shake their fists at the idea of celebrating love.

Now…. I get it. Sometimes when you’re not in a couple finding a reason to recognize V-day is incredibly hard. Welcome to the club. People throw Anti-Valentine’s day parties and that’s fine too. Actually, I know a few people who fell in love at those types of parties

I am not in a relationship and I LOVE VALENTINE’S DAY!

The way I look at it, you don’t need a boy/girlfriend to show someone you care. Make valentines for other friends, go out to dinner with other single girlfriends, watch movies and drink wine. Take a parent out or do something nice for them like cook them dinner. Remember to call your grandmother. Anything.

Who says Valentine’s day has to be expensive restaurants, flowers and candy? My favorite Valentine’s memories were special home cooked meals and foot rubs. Or horror movies and cupcakes. And yes, I have received flowers before and loved them….and candy…yum.

This year, who knows. Although, a secret part of me has always wanted flowers sent to my office. It’s never happened. But should I stomp my feet and cry about it? No. Suck it up cry baby. If you don’t get what you “want” for Valentine’s day you need to seriously reevaluate somethings.

So this year if you’re coupled, don’t be such a wah-wah baby and do something special. Not because you have to, but because it’s nice. And my thoughts are similar with New Years Resolutions…sometimes it just helps when millions of other people are all trying to do the same thing for positive results.

Listen to this song: The Avett Brothers – I and Love and You