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I’m Finally 30: 30 Things To Tell My 15 Year Old Self

Posted Aug 19 2013 11:05pm


There are a lot of people who dread getting older and there are a lot of people who don’t. I am the latter. I’ve wanted to be older for as long as I could remember. Even now, I can’t wait to be 40.  There was never a moment in my life where I ever wanted to go back to my childhood. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great childhood. But at 9yrs old I couldn’t frig’n do anything I wanted to do.

I had BIG dreams early on. I was going to be a lawyer after all. Why? Because I loved to argue and I really wanted to carry a briefcase. I questioned everything, I wanted to know how everything worked and why. I wanted to try everything so I too can have more experience and people would respect me. Being older meant being taken seriously. I didn’t like babies when I was a baby, I didn’t like kids or teenagers when I was one. I loved everything my parents and their friends did. I loved what the older kids were doing in Summer camp, I loved hearing what real freedom felt like. I just couldn’t wait!

Part of getting older is the desire to save a younger person the hassle of making the same mistakes you made. I hated this (and still hate this). I am a firm believer in making your own mistakes, making your bed and lying in it and reaping what you sow (insert more coming of age cliches). If I don’t learn the same way experienced people learned (even the hard way), how will I ever gain my experience and respect and learn how to love who I am and what I am all about?

So maybe I have to move to a new state with my new lover before I graduate college, maybe i have to get arrested during that protest, maybe I should spend all my money on a piece of shit car, maybe I have to date someone who is totally wrong for me?  To deny a younger person of their life experiences or even guilting them into believing they are doing something bad is not only insulting but you rob them of the experiences they need to progress and move on to the next hard chapter of life. I mean, taking chances within reason. Murdering, drug addiction, unsafe sex, felonies….these are all things I don’t recommend ‘trying’ just to see what it’s like. But leaps of faith go best with a side of youth.

Now that I am officially 30, I would love a chance to tell my 15yr old self what to expect, avoid and to do again. Since I just finished explaining why no one should take away the mystery that is life, but who else should younger ME take advice from, than older ME?
1. Don’t worry, you’ll start liking boys in about 4 more years.
2. But you won’t stop dressing like one for 10….
3. Softball will not get you a free ride at college, you’re not that good.
4. Dad might yell at you about listening to Wu-tang, but he can secretly name everyone in the group.
5. You will forget what the pain feels like when you have a crush on a guy and he doesn’t like you. Then you just move on to the next one.
6. You’ll hate every single one of your brother’s girlfriends (until right now!), so don’t even waste your time being nice. Ha. You’re not nice to them anyway. Keep doing what you’re doing.
7. You will find out who your true friends are. Then be COMPLETELY wrong. Then find new friends. And repeat until your 30.
8. Welp, hope you like tattoos kiddo.
9. You’re gonna be a virgin forever. So just relax.
10. You’ll stop hating children. In fact, you’re gonna want one.
11. You start letting people hug you in your mid 20′s.
12. You will love hard with everything you’ve got and you will lose it. You will never be the same after. You’ll be better.
13. You really should’ve gotten your drivers license way earlier. You got 9 more years.
14. Do not pursue a journalism degree, I repeat. No journalism. Not for you.
15. Get better at math…it helps for what you really got your degree in.


16. Stop with the slicked back hair gel, you look RIDICULOUS.


17. The best part of getting is older, is you will not give a f*** at some point…and actually MEAN IT.
18. I hope you like moving, because you’re gonna move 11 times in your 20′s.
19.You’re gonna hate your parents and then you’re going to think they’re are the greatest people on Earth.
20.You will always and forever be close with your twin brother.
21. There are going to be some parts of life where you think you just can’t handle it anymore… and then it gets way worse. But you’ll be ok. My god, are you tougher than you think.
22. Thank your mother every day for talking you out of that tribal dragon tattoo when you are 16.
23. People do not always give you advice who are looking out for your best interest. You will see people completely different in the next decade or two.
24. I know you just picked up smoking, but c’mon. It’s really gross. Turns out, boys aren’t even into girls who smoke. But you’ll cut the shit in your early 20′s.


25. You’re going to meet your life long soul mate in about 3 years. Hang on tight, she is a pistol.
26. You’re going to work some awful awful jobs just for a pay check. You’ll work 2 and 3 jobs at a time. AND go to school full time. But you’ll be doing it proudly and all on your own.
27.Bacardi Limon is not your friend. You will find out why next year.
28.You do eventually eat seafood and red meat. But don’t worry, you got quite a few years.
29.Try everything you can. And you will. Never give up on your curiosity and drive for anyone or anything. It’s what defines you.
30. The most important part you need to learn, is don’t ever ever ever think you can plan your life. You can make a decent outline, but your life will change so many times you won’t have any idea what the hell is going on. Ever.


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