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How to Love the Haters

Posted Mar 13 2013 9:16am

This morning, I tweeted a beautful quote from Mr. Albert Einstein. In it, he says, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” It’s another way of saying the thoughts that we think create the world that we live in.

I got a response from someone who said, “I couldn’t agree more but there are still some not so nice people out there.”

When haters be hatin’, it can be really easy for us to react quickly like this. When someone says something that hurts our feelings, our first instinct might be to react with anger. I want you to honor your feelings but I also want you to understand where your feelings are coming from: your ego or your internal teacher.

A Course in Miracles says, “The ego always speaks first.” The ego speaks first because it speaks loudest. The ego needs to speak loudly in order to seem real. Your internal teacher (your inner wisdom) is a soft, honest whisper. It whispers because it is truth, and truth is gentle and honest. It is always there. The only time you can’t feel your internal teacher is when you choose to forget that it is there. That is a clear sign that we are in Egoville.

It is especially important to practice our spiritual principles in times when people hurt our feelings or when we witness someone do something hurtful to someone else. The key thing here is this: Being a spiritual person doesn’t mean we only shed light on the light – it means we also shed light on the darkness. We have to face the tough stuff with love, too, in order to create change.  It doesn’t mean that we have to like that person’s actions or tolerate their behavior. A Course in Miracles says, “In my defenselessness, my safety lies.” We can be defenseless and still send love.


When I encounter a hater or someone really challenging me, I practice these three principles: feel, forgive and fly.


Honor your feelings. Whatever you are feeling is not wrong. Wherever you feel the feeling, feel it throughout your body. Allow it to be with you. Acknowledge its presence but do not identify with it. For example, I might feel angry while knowing that I am not an angry person at heart.


If you are serious about sending love to this world, you gotta get serious about practicing forgiveness. Make forgiveness part of your daily life. Before we can forgive others, we have to forgive ourselves. It’s time to get honest with yourself and ask yourself how you played a part in this situation. Maybe you egged that person on or maybe you put up a wall between you and the person lashing out at you. Whatever it is, acknowledge your part and forgive yourself for it.

Then, forgive the hater. Forgive the hater for hurting you. Take 1 minute to breathe. On the inhale say, “I receive forgiveness” and on the exhale say, “I extend forgiveness.” Repeat this while visualizing yourself forgiving the hater and the hater forgiving you. When you’re ready to talk to the hater, it might be helpful to say something like, “I do not accept or tolerate the behavior you showed towards me but I forgive you for doing so. I forgive you.”

This might sound coo-coo to you but remember that every relationship is an assignment. Are you going to forgive and get an A? Or are you going to continue blocking yourself and get an F?


Now that you’ve forgiven yourself and forgiven the other person, chances are you feel free. So free that you want to fly into this world shining your light. If you don’t feel this way, that’s totally cool. Keep doing your forgiveness practice in the AM and in the PM until you feel that weight lifted from your chest.

After you have felt your feelings and practiced forgiveness, FLY into this world and BRING your light. If you want to see more peace and more love,  BE peace and BE love. Heighten your energy and people will respond to that.

Stay lovely,

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