The following question was asked of me this weekend. “Why do people seek out prostitutes?” Now I know that there are many reasons a person may seek out a prostitute, however I believe the main reason people seek out prostitutes is because they are trying to fill a perceived hole in their life. People seek out prostitutes for the same reason that people gamble or cheat on their spouses or drink to excess or spend too much money shopping, etc. It is because they perceive that something is lacking in their day to day life and they are attempting to use some external source to fill the perceived hole in their life. People believe they have an unfulfilled need, they may think it is sex, or attention or the expression of something they do not know how to express with the people who are closest to them so they seek external ways to fulfill what they perceive their needs are. One of the basic problems with using a prostitute, alcohol, excess spending of money, or anything else external to fulfill a perceived need is that while during the act we may experience some sense of relief and momentary satisfaction after the fact the hole we perceive is still there and often times deeper than before.
It is of no surprise that so many people believe that they are missing something in their life. We are bombarded by messages from the mass media and people in our life on a routine basis that we don’t have enough and that because we don’t have enough than we are somehow “not enough” and the way to be “enough” is to go out and get more, be that more things, more toys, more sex, just more. Of course what we are not told is that “more” will never be “enough” and that like a crack addict we will be in constant loop of trying to achieve the an elusive high and we will forever feel as if we are not enough. For every time we believe we have filled the hole and have created wholeness within ourselves we will awaken to the feeling that the hole is still present and begging to be filled again. It’s as if we have a hole in the ground and we fill it with water. For a time that hole in the ground will appear to be full, however after a short amount of time we will find that he hole is empty again because the water was absorbed into the ground and it will require filling again.
The question is how do we get off this treadmill of trying to fill the hole we perceive is there? The first step is to elevate our awareness. We have to ask ourselves, is there really a hole present or is it simply my perception that a hole exits? What do I need to change in regards to my perception to change my view of the hole? Remember that one could perceive the “Grand Canyon” as simply a hole in the ground that needs to be filled. Of course that is not our general perception, however it is all about perception is it not?
If after looking at the hole from multiple angles you believe that a hole truly exists then we must ask ourselves what has or is creating the hole? This is an important question and it is a question of self awareness. The aware person will come to understand that the hole is of our creation and that it was not caused by any external source, therefore if it is of our internal creation than we must use that which is internal to us to fill the hole and create wholeness for our self.
We can now choose to fill the hole, to heal from within or we can choose to accept and to allow the hole as part of who we are. Not all holes need to be filled. Some holes serve a purpose and not all holes represent that which is missing. Note, we don’t question a hole in the doughnut; the hole is in fact what makes it a doughnut!
The key is to understand that we are “enough” just as we are today and that we don’t need more to become more. We don’t have to chase after the elusive high of getting more for we have all that we have ever needed within our self. Once we understand this, than the allure of getting more loses much of its appeal. Yes we may still acquire more along our journey, however when it comes to time to discard of the external stuff we will do so without regret. We will also come to understand that the acquisition of more sex, more money, more highs, and more things will not truly impact how we feel and who we are therefore our desire to seek these things out will diminish as we come to understand we are enough and that there really are no holes that we cannot fill from within.
The following question was asked of me this weekend. “Why do people seek out prostitutes?” Now I know that there are many reasons a person may seek out a prostitute, however I believe the main reason people seek out prostitutes is because they are trying to fill a perceived hole in their life. People seek out prostitutes for the same reason that people gamble or cheat on their spouses or drink to excess or spend too much money shopping, etc. It is because they perceive that something is lacking in their day to day life and they are attempting to use some external source to fill the perceived hole in their life. People believe they have an unfulfilled need, they may think it is sex, or attention or the expression of something they do not know how to express with the people who are closest to them so they seek external ways to fulfill what they perceive their needs are. One of the basic problems with using a prostitute, alcohol, excess spending of money, or anything else external to fulfill a perceived need is that while during the act we may experience some sense of relief and momentary satisfaction after the fact the hole we perceive is still there and often times deeper than before.
It is of no surprise that so many people believe that they are missing something in their life. We are bombarded by messages from the mass media and people in our life on a routine basis that we don’t have enough and that because we don’t have enough than we are somehow “not enough” and the way to be “enough” is to go out and get more, be that more things, more toys, more sex, just more. Of course what we are not told is that “more” will never be “enough” and that like a crack addict we will be in constant loop of trying to achieve the an elusive high and we will forever feel as if we are not enough. For every time we believe we have filled the hole and have created wholeness within ourselves we will awaken to the feeling that the hole is still present and begging to be filled again. It’s as if we have a hole in the ground and we fill it with water. For a time that hole in the ground will appear to be full, however after a short amount of time we will find that he hole is empty again because the water was absorbed into the ground and it will require filling again.
The question is how do we get off this treadmill of trying to fill the hole we perceive is there? The first step is to elevate our awareness. We have to ask ourselves, is there really a hole present or is it simply my perception that a hole exits? What do I need to change in regards to my perception to change my view of the hole? Remember that one could perceive the “Grand Canyon” as simply a hole in the ground that needs to be filled. Of course that is not our general perception, however it is all about perception is it not?
If after looking at the hole from multiple angles you believe that a hole truly exists then we must ask ourselves what has or is creating the hole? This is an important question and it is a question of self awareness. The aware person will come to understand that the hole is of our creation and that it was not caused by any external source, therefore if it is of our internal creation than we must use that which is internal to us to fill the hole and create wholeness for our self.
We can now choose to fill the hole, to heal from within or we can choose to accept and to allow the hole as part of who we are. Not all holes need to be filled. Some holes serve a purpose and not all holes represent that which is missing. Note, we don’t question a hole in the doughnut; the hole is in fact what makes it a doughnut!
The key is to understand that we are “enough” just as we are today and that we don’t need more to become more. We don’t have to chase after the elusive high of getting more for we have all that we have ever needed within our self. Once we understand this, than the allure of getting more loses much of its appeal. Yes we may still acquire more along our journey, however when it comes to time to discard of the external stuff we will do so without regret. We will also come to understand that the acquisition of more sex, more money, more highs, and more things will not truly impact how we feel and who we are therefore our desire to seek these things out will diminish as we come to understand we are enough and that there really are no holes that we cannot fill from within.