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Gone

Posted Jun 07 2010 12:00am
So my amazing hunk of a husband is gone. Even though it's only been one day since, there are no words that can express how terribly I miss him. I have to keep reminding myself that this is such a short deployment and that so many other military families go through much more. My own mother for example, moved from Korea to Florida for my father not knowing how to speak a lick of English and made it just fine with three kids while my father went on 6 month deployments every year. If she can do it in spite of all of the disadvantages she dealt with then I can easily do it. I have to keep reiterating this in my head but still, as much as I tell myself this it hurts to think that my husband is in a foreign country on the other side of the world. He's not at home to hug me, kiss me, make fun of me and do all of the little things that I take for granted while he's home. 

On Saturday night (early Sunday morning) at 2:00am, I drove my husband to his battalion headquarters where he picked up his gear and from there we drove to the Airborne water tower to meet up with the rest of the men deploying. We sat around, joked with a few guys, met other families, and held on to each other as tight as possible since we knew that it would be awhile before we could hold each other again. At around 4:00am, their bus arrived and it was officially time to say goodbye, I held myself together so well and did not shed a single tear the whole time.  I wanted to show my husband that I'm strong and can handle what this life has thrown at us. He stepped on the bus, waved goodbye and blew me a kiss one last time before the bus left. Again, not one tear shed. In fact, I hugged a girl right next to me who was sobbing uncontrollably and let her cry on my shoulder as the bus drove further away. She had just moved to NC, didn't know anybody and was a lot younger than me so I really felt for her. I prided myself on being able to stay calm and my ability to comfort another wife while going through something like this. 

We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up for lunch one day and then walked our separate ways to our cars. As soon as I got into my car and put my hands on my steering wheel, a Niagra Falls of tears started rushing out. I don't think I had ever cried so hard and was definitely not expecting to be this emotional. We had gone through other separations but for some reason this had hit me the hardest. The realization that I would have to go several months in a new place without knowing when I'll be able to hear from him, sleeping in an empty bed and not being able to pick up a phone and call him whenever I wanted to really HURT.  The whole drive home I cried like I had never cried before and more tears gushed as I passed familiar places that reminded me of my wonderful husband.

When I finally pulled into our driveway, I stopped crying and told myself that this is it. I need to stay strong and check my perspective. My husband loves what he does and I'm so proud of him and will support his efforts by staying strong. This is only a temporary separation with many more to come, this is the life we chose. With each sad goodbye there is an amazing hello to look forward to and that is what will be getting me through this obstacle. Distance will not affect our love and this amazing life we have built together.

I love you so much baby and can't wait to see you - soon! ;)


Contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...
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