In an hour, I’m leaving for the first tri of the season. Unlike most other years, I’m starting out right away with a 70.3 . Unlike the days leading up to my last 70.3 (where I put an insane amount of pressure on myself), I’m cool as a cucumber. I’m actually a little worried that I haven’t had the taper tantrums (well, ok, my boss did make a comment about me being a little more angry lately). I’ve used the extra time during taper to have a party for master’s week and garden the heck out of some vegetables (and wine).
When I planned out my 2013 season, the goal was to build to hopefully sub 5 by Augusta70.3 in September. And at my first half of the year in Charleston, the sole goal was to run the entire run (I’ve still yet to do that). I wanted small, attainable, reasonable goals to start building my self-confidence back. But, my mind started wandering when I decided to try to crush it at Eagleman for hopes of a Kona spot. That meant I needed to be sub5 by April…to hopefully be closer to 4:50 by June.
Here’s the problem with that: I don’t perform well under (self-imposed) pressure right now. With my self-confidence in the crapper, if something starts to falter I fold like a cheap suit. I know that is something I need to work on–and I am working on it. But I’m still not there.
I also don’t “feel” like a strong racer right now. I’m about 10 lbs over where my ideal race weight is and I just feel uncomfortable in my skin. I’m worried that that weight is going to hold me back. And I wish it weren’t on my mind every day, but it is.
So, back to reasonable goals. Back to seeing where I am right now. I don’t think 5 is in the cards for me this weekend–but I think a strong run is. And that is important.
You know what else is in the cards for me this weekend? An awesome campfire with friends post race, noshing on some s’mores. Holla.