Day 2 of our vacation recap should be up tomorrow. I have had a lot on my mind and can’t seem to make sense of some of it. Figures, that when I decide to not blog every day that I come up with stuff to write about. I’m just going with it. Here is one of the issues I’m struggling with:
I have never really thought of myself as a super competitive person – I was never really into sports and such, and I think I know why. I hate losing. I hate being last. I hate feeling like my accomplishments aren’t good enough. I hate feeling like my best is not good enough.
No one has ever made me feel that way – those are my own thoughts and feelings. I find myself feeling that way more and more lately.
I’m having a hard time even admitting this because it sounds so silly, but this is what has gotten me all tied up with feeling horrible: one of Jason’s family members is running his first marathon on October 2 (the same day Jason and I are running the 10 Mile race) – and on the one hand I am so happy that his training is going well and that he has kept up with it, but on the other hand I am insanely jealous and nervous that he will finish with a faster time than me.
And then I feel awful for wanting someone to do worse than me. I’m nervous that I won’t be proud of my marathon experience if he has a faster time than me. I’m nervous that I’ll beat myself up for not training harder, for not running faster, etc.
I know how ridiculous this sounds. What I have always loved about running is that it is a solo sport – it is just me against me. But I want to do my best and maybe I don’t feel like I did my best during my marathon?
I keep reminding myself that I did do MY best – and that I should hope he does his best. I can only get better and run faster — but that needs to come from inside me, not from wanting to be better than someone else.
Can anyone identify with this?
Last night I ran a 5K (3.1 miles) with an average pace of 8:30 per mile — hello I have made great progress since my usual 10 min/mile pace from just a few months ago — so on the one hand I’m happy but on the other hand I just want to be faster NOW. I don’t think I’m usually impatient, but it seems as though I am!
I know this is all in my head and I need to just relax and be happy with how I am doing, but for some reason I am having a really tough time with this.
How do you combat those feelings of “I’m not doing good enough”?
Day 2 of our vacation recap should be up tomorrow. I have had a lot on my mind and can’t seem to make sense of some of it. Figures, that when I decide to not blog every day that I come up with stuff to write about. I’m just going with it. Here is one of the issues I’m struggling with:
I have never really thought of myself as a super competitive person – I was never really into sports and such, and I think I know why. I hate losing. I hate being last. I hate feeling like my accomplishments aren’t good enough. I hate feeling like my best is not good enough.
No one has ever made me feel that way – those are my own thoughts and feelings. I find myself feeling that way more and more lately.
I’m having a hard time even admitting this because it sounds so silly, but this is what has gotten me all tied up with feeling horrible: one of Jason’s family members is running his first marathon on October 2 (the same day Jason and I are running the 10 Mile race) – and on the one hand I am so happy that his training is going well and that he has kept up with it, but on the other hand I am insanely jealous and nervous that he will finish with a faster time than me.
And then I feel awful for wanting someone to do worse than me. I’m nervous that I won’t be proud of my marathon experience if he has a faster time than me. I’m nervous that I’ll beat myself up for not training harder, for not running faster, etc.
I know how ridiculous this sounds. What I have always loved about running is that it is a solo sport – it is just me against me. But I want to do my best and maybe I don’t feel like I did my best during my marathon?
I keep reminding myself that I did do MY best – and that I should hope he does his best. I can only get better and run faster — but that needs to come from inside me, not from wanting to be better than someone else.
Can anyone identify with this?
Last night I ran a 5K (3.1 miles) with an average pace of 8:30 per mile — hello I have made great progress since my usual 10 min/mile pace from just a few months ago — so on the one hand I’m happy but on the other hand I just want to be faster NOW. I don’t think I’m usually impatient, but it seems as though I am!
I know this is all in my head and I need to just relax and be happy with how I am doing, but for some reason I am having a really tough time with this.
How do you combat those feelings of “I’m not doing good enough”?