After being
out with the single moms Saturday evening, I was feeling very lonely by the end of the night.
It was the pastor's fault.
There were nine of us. 9 single women at a bar watching a band and one man was hanging around us. He was a cute man... so each of us began talking to him. We soon found out that he is a new pastor at a local church and he's married with 4 kids. His wife and kids hadn't yet moved to the area so he was enjoying all the female company.
Somehow, during the night, and after I'd had a few drinks, he began asking about men in my life. Of course the subject matter led to a discussion about Soldier. I was trying to avoid the conversation but he insisted on hearing all about it.
I loathe talking about it. Especially after alcohol has taken over any positive ions in my brain.
Then the pastor looked into my eyes and said,
"You do know that there is a man out there who will love you and treat you the way you're meant to be treated."
Yeah. I know.
The "knowing that" didn't help matters though and on my drive home I was in tears and feeling very sorry for myself.
------------
I've noticed during the past few years or so, that my loneliness waxes and wanes much like the phases of the moon. I wonder sometimes if it has something to do with the moon cycles. Or my cycle perhaps?
------------
Because the next evening, I had every intention of getting in a good bike workout on my trainer. Instead, I received an unexpected but very pleasant phone call with a man I've been communicating with via email. We'd connected over the online dating site I'm on. He's very sweet, honest, open and completely intrigued with my spirituality. We had a great conversation that ended with him saying,
"T, I really enjoy talking to you. I can't wait to meet you now!" ---
After talking with the online guy, I decided to check email. Soldier was being a naughty boy. In the past, when he'd emailed that late at night, it meant that he was waiting my response. We'd end up emailing 20 messages back and forth, much like a chat, both of us horny and looking forward to the others' sexy talk.
This time, I logged off the computer and went to bed.
---
Tonight on the drive to my A Course in Miracles study group (led by my friend
D ), I was again very honored and surprised to hear from my sweet
Rachel.
Oh Rachel... hearing your voice brings a smile to my lips and butterflies to my stomach.
I'm dying to get you here. I do want so badly to spend more time with you. You are, quite simply, an incredible addition to my life. Thank you for stealing away a few moments to bless me with your attention.
---
While I was in my study group tonight, my phone interrupted with another call... this time from the
12 hour lunch date guy!
Our last date ended so awkwardly that I didn't expect to hear from him again. I still think we don't have much of a future other than friends but it was nice to hear from him.
He wants to take me to dinner this weekend. Huh? Who knew?
---
As I was saying goodbye to my babysitter tonight, my phone rang again. This time it was a number I did not recognize so I didn't answer it.
After she left I listened to the message. It was another guy from online that I haven't talked to yet. We've been emailing but...
I'll have to call him back tomorrow.
---
So, now its getting really late and I should be getting ready for bed but I decide to check email one more time. This time I see a message from
TNT.
Aw! I haven't talked to him in so long between the holidays, his travel with work, our custody weekends being off and other busyness. He misses me.
I called him and we talked for an hour. He's such a great guy.
------------
It seems like feast or famine sometimes but is my "seeming" real?
Is all of this love there, even when the phone is silent, my inbox is dead and it seems like I'm the only person on the planet?
Maybe sometimes, I simply choose not to notice that love that is all around me, all the time.
Or maybe sometimes, it can be found in the silence that I'm not fully appreciating.
It was the pastor's fault.
There were nine of us. 9 single women at a bar watching a band and one man was hanging around us. He was a cute man... so each of us began talking to him. We soon found out that he is a new pastor at a local church and he's married with 4 kids. His wife and kids hadn't yet moved to the area so he was enjoying all the female company.
Somehow, during the night, and after I'd had a few drinks, he began asking about men in my life. Of course the subject matter led to a discussion about Soldier. I was trying to avoid the conversation but he insisted on hearing all about it.
I loathe talking about it. Especially after alcohol has taken over any positive ions in my brain.
Then the pastor looked into my eyes and said,
"You do know that there is a man out there who will love you and treat you the way you're meant to be treated."
Yeah. I know.
The "knowing that" didn't help matters though and on my drive home I was in tears and feeling very sorry for myself.
Because the next evening, I had every intention of getting in a good bike workout on my trainer. Instead, I received an unexpected but very pleasant phone call with a man I've been communicating with via email. We'd connected over the online dating site I'm on. He's very sweet, honest, open and completely intrigued with my spirituality. We had a great conversation that ended with him saying,
"T, I really enjoy talking to you. I can't wait to meet you now!"
---
After talking with the online guy, I decided to check email. Soldier was being a naughty boy. In the past, when he'd emailed that late at night, it meant that he was waiting my response. We'd end up emailing 20 messages back and forth, much like a chat, both of us horny and looking forward to the others' sexy talk.
This time, I logged off the computer and went to bed.
---
Tonight on the drive to my A Course in Miracles study group (led by my friend D ), I was again very honored and surprised to hear from my sweet Rachel.
Oh Rachel... hearing your voice brings a smile to my lips and butterflies to my stomach.
I'm dying to get you here. I do want so badly to spend more time with you. You are, quite simply, an incredible addition to my life. Thank you for stealing away a few moments to bless me with your attention.
---
While I was in my study group tonight, my phone interrupted with another call... this time from the 12 hour lunch date guy!
Our last date ended so awkwardly that I didn't expect to hear from him again. I still think we don't have much of a future other than friends but it was nice to hear from him.
He wants to take me to dinner this weekend. Huh? Who knew?
---
As I was saying goodbye to my babysitter tonight, my phone rang again. This time it was a number I did not recognize so I didn't answer it.
After she left I listened to the message. It was another guy from online that I haven't talked to yet. We've been emailing but...
I'll have to call him back tomorrow.
---
So, now its getting really late and I should be getting ready for bed but I decide to check email one more time. This time I see a message from TNT.
Aw! I haven't talked to him in so long between the holidays, his travel with work, our custody weekends being off and other busyness. He misses me.
I called him and we talked for an hour. He's such a great guy.
Is all of this love there, even when the phone is silent, my inbox is dead and it seems like I'm the only person on the planet?
Maybe sometimes, I simply choose not to notice that love that is all around me, all the time.
Or maybe sometimes, it can be found in the silence that I'm not fully appreciating.